It is here, the moment that we have all been dreading.
The icy blast of a great storm beckons, waiting to drown us in it’s deluge of atmospheric vapours of crystallised ice, whilst threatening to usher along with it a sense of complete and utter lack of hope.
It’s foreboding presence will be a testimony to the majestic and triumphant courage of those prepared to face an age old enemy. An enemy that will freeze the marrow in their bones and instil a bitter air of frigidity into their very hearts.
For throughout history, we Southerners have often been regarded as being a little on the whimsical side. All to often we have been mocked for our ‘soft’ ways, like the manner in which we refer to dinner as ‘tea’ and tea as a ‘cuppa,’ or bemoan the fact that the cost of a pint in London will quite literally cost you an arm and a leg. (selling your kidneys on the black market will get you two pints and a packet of pork scratchings)
But during this, our winter of discontent which we have subtlety called SNOWMAGEDDON, we Southerners have shown true grit…unlike our streets and roads which are barely covered in the stuff. In this blustery month of mayhem and chaos, no more shall we be a laughing stock, for our spirit and resilience will see us through to the darkest of days.
Look how the heavens up above have opened up the gateway for the mighty torrent that now lines our streets.
See how it’s devastation has griped the nation in it’s mighty fist, shaking it violently like the large yet rather supple buttocks of a woman perfecting the dark and ancient art of twerking, as life as we know it, comes to a complete standstill.
In some parts of the South East, whole areas have been buried under 10cm of snow which has incapacitated entire towns and lain waste to whole cities.
And as traffic grinds to halt and chaos ensues, we will not let this Snownami defeat us.
We will remain calm and stoic in the face of such adversity…
…and not let the blinding whiteness of this snowstorm overwhelm us.
For we are strong. Fearless. Together we will stick two fingers up at the cruelness of Mother Nature and give a middle finger to the harshness of this calamitous storm by
the erections of snowmen everywhere by erecting snowmen everywhere.
We will not falter, nor will we fall…aside from on those parts of the pavement which have yet to be gritted. For we are survivors!
SNOWMAGEDDON be dammed, for we WILL live to see the dawning of a new world and work hard to rebuild the wreckage that you have so wrought against us!!