I thought that I would pace myself a bit by only writing two posts a month. But first, I’d like to address an email I received from a rather confused but highly libidinous young woman by the name of Tatyana.
Hi, handsome stud! (Excuse me, what?) I’ve only found ur # by random and I would love 2 meet U. (I’m so glad that you found my #, I’ve been looking for that everywhere. Last place seen? On twitter preceding the hashtag learnsomegrammarbitch)
I’m so tired 2nite (Er…but I thought you wanted to meet up?) and I wanted 2 find somebody to have fool around with. (Wait…first you come on to me citing that you want to meet up, then you tell me you’re tired. Now you want to find someone else to fool around with? Talk about piss on my parade) I am a alluring teen (Narcissistic much?) that wants 2 send U some nude photos of myself. Just call this nmbr or msg me a txt (Seriously, you didn’t attend school much did you?) & I will show ya everything. (What? Including the secrets of time and space itself? Stephen Hawkins…is this you again?) Do you want to see my young tits and cute trunk? (OMG! Are you a lactating baby elephant?!) I have a collection of images of my delicious body (Let me spell narcissist for you. It’s S.K.A.N.K) and I rly want you 2 see them 1st. (What? There’s a queue?) Don’t hesitate to long 😉 Er…(3 hours later) xxx http://bdsmfreepost.com (Isn’t BDSM the name of a furniture shop?)
I’m so tired 2nite (Er…but I thought you wanted to meet up?) and I wanted 2 find somebody to have fool around with. (Wait…first you come on to me citing that you want to meet up, then you tell me you’re tired. Now you want to find someone else to fool around with? Talk about piss on my parade) I am a alluring teen (Narcissistic much?) that wants 2 send U some nude photos of myself. Just call this nmbr or msg me a txt (Seriously, you didn’t attend school much did you?) & I will show ya everything. (What? Including the secrets of time and space itself? Stephen Hawkins…is this you again?) Do you want to see my young tits and cute trunk? (OMG! Are you a lactating baby elephant?!) I have a collection of images of my delicious body (Let me spell narcissist for you. It’s S.K.A.N.K) and I rly want you 2 see them 1st. (What? There’s a queue?) Don’t hesitate to long 😉 Er…(3 hours later) xxx http://bdsmfreepost.com (Isn’t BDSM the name of a furniture shop?)
As yet, I have received no reply
See you all next month! 🙂
~Lily
The Incoherent Ramblings Of A Moose 
I bet she has 200 million dollars hidden in a box that she would like you to have because she only has six months to live on account that she caught a terrible cold while posing naked and exposing her cute trunk. She would normally have used the cute trunk to hide the money but it would not squeeze in even after several attempts. As for spelling well its not always easy I mean I make mistakes all the time and I keep my clothes on while sending emails, no these office chairs are chilly. Well Tatyana sounds like a nice chap and I’m sure he will find a friend in the end, either that or a friends end will find Tatyana . . . . OOOoooooo look I am being ever so slightly naughty a bit like Miss T or Mr T.
Keep up the good work Miss Lily.
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Mr Z, if she’s got 200 million knocking around, then she better buy a laptop that has spell check, or see a top specialist as to her very rare condition of having a trunk. Ooh, she might be the female equivalent of the elephant man, except that she’s a real elephant! Who can also type! Seriously though, that’s still no reason for bad grammar. Silly naked elephant. *tuts disappointingly*
Now now Mr Z, I wont have you becoming naughty like that scantily clad, bad grammar using, typing elephant. We’ll have none of that kind of shenanigans here.
And thank you. 🙂
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I saw the Spam in the title of this post and thought “YES! Miss Lily has seen the light and finally realises what a beautiful and fulfilling meal a tin of congealed meat(*) can be.”
Then I thought: “I love spam….” Which is something I often think during those moments when my eyes are open and then….
then…..
I read the rest of the title of this post and thought: ” bugger…. it’s not about tins of spam but the internet spam…. I HATE that word”
Then I stopped thinking because it started to hurt.
Now I have a headache and want a spam fritter.
Life is cruel sometimes.
…sigh…..
*used in it’s loosest terms
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The thing is Mr F, I used to be quite partial to a portion of meat. Some days, I liked nothing better than chowing down on a big sausage, especially when my ex used to come round late at night. Oh how we loved to eat sausage sandwiches in bed whilst watching TV. I do sometimes miss a bit of bacon and I used to love spam. But then the internet came and ruined all that. Have you tried making spam fritters out of your emails? Have you? That’s the real reason why I became a vegetarian. That and the fact that my ex kept trying to shove his meat down my mouth. I hate pork loins.
Hope your head feels better soon…
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How come I never get emails like that? Dammit. It’s not fair! Although I have recently had two blogs start to follow mine that seem to consist of a series of posts comprising photos of nubile young women showing off their pecs and their glutes. Very interesting I’m sure but I don’t think I will follow them any time soon.
I cannot describe how pleased I was to see you pop up in my inbox thingy.
Larger than life and wonderfully sarcastic and witty as ever girlie. Xx
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I guess I’m just lucky that all the dregs of society choose to inbox me Mr D. My mother always used to say that I was a special case…no sorry, that was my psychiatrist.
Ooh, what blogs are these Mr D? And do the letters XXX succeed the titles?
Thanks Mr D, I admit that it feels good to write on these pages again. By just posting a couple of times a month, I can hopefully keep up the enthusiasm for doing so. xx
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I’ve never been spammed by a lactating baby elephant… have spam envy now!
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Great spam is like that one good Kardashian. When it comes along, you learn to appreciate that one gem among all the cubic zirconia. Lactating baby elephant spam should be treasured.
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Great analogy!
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Why thank you kind sir.
Coming from the master of analogy, that is a huge compliment. 😀
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Aw stop it! You’ll make me blush like a virginal bride on the night of her wedding to Jeff Hugecock… 🙂
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Haha! And you just made me laugh like the same virginal bride after she viewed her groom Jeff Hugecock.
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😀
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Lactating baby elephants are the best, though usually far more innocent. I wonder what led this one astray? 😉
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Obviously this poor lactating baby elephant has fallen upon hard times down at the Serengeti and is quite the talk down at the watering hole. Seriously, those gazelles have got nothing better to do than gossip all day.
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I love your review of this. Can baby elephants lactate? I’m not putting that into the search engine of choice at my work that is for sure…
My wife gets about 30 of these things a day. I of course nod when she declares she has no idea how they got her email… I just wonder exactly what site and why… 😉
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Oh God! I dread to think what google might come up with for lactating baby elephant! And yet, I’m strangely curious…
I’m not sure what dark and twisted road I took down the internet highway that I’m always getting emails from X-rated sites or BDSM sites. I get a least one a month, but 30 daily?! I think someone’s history needs to be investigated. Might shed a light on the whole thing…if they haven’t been deleted already. 😉
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You are a shiny, shiny gem of laughingness – my life would me immeasurably poorer without your wit.
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Aww, thank you Claudette. You are now my first best friend. First because I er…don’t have any…;)
And I’m totally plagiarising ‘shiny gem of laughingness.’ *shut up spell check. laughingness is so a word.*
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yeah, what does spellcheck know – I always ignore it and my little internal combustion happiness light shines brighter each time I make up a silly word, and really, that is what adds joy to my life. 🙂
I am honoured to be your default “first best friend because you don’t have any” 😉
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I’m always amazed that spell check doesn’t implode with all the words that are underlined red in my posts.
And you’re welcome. Compliments like that are probably the reason why I have no friends in the first place.
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🙂
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I’m jealous, I just get like 100 emails a day trying to sell me viagra.
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I’ve never gotten viagra spam. All my spam are to do with meeting up and doing the horizontal boogie. Okay, now I’m worried that the police are gonna come round a check my laptop. Time to delete history…again.
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Your spam is much more interesting than anything I’ve ever received, but your comments make it even better yet. The rare bit of spam I get these days is either trying to enhance my male organ, (Silly them! I’ve only got a piano!) get rid of my belly fat, (Get rid of it? But I’ve worked so many years to GET it!) or put me in a rest home. (Pushy, pushy, pushy.)
It’s good to see you. Well, you know what I mean… 🙂
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Hahaha! That comment was a worthy post about spam in itself.!
Is it weird that I looking forward to receiving spam? Not sure where my internet footprint has been walking in order to get spam from a BDSM site, or which one of my pics is circulating that I’ve been called a handsome stud. Knew I should have waxed my chest before I sent that nude pic.
Thanks Susan. 🙂
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That Tatyana is surely a tired grammar-challenged lactating baby elephant skank LMAO! Just brilliant the way you took trashy spam and made it into something hysterical with your witty commentary, Lily! Well done. 🙂
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What I want to know is what’s next Madilyn? Butt baring baby buffaloes who mix up their similes and metaphors? When will it end??
Thank you Madilyn. I’m still awaiting a reply though. Why do these people NEVER reply?!
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Perhaps you should have returned photos of a young male elephant bragging about the size of his tusks. What lactating female could resist that?
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Ooh, I didn’t think of that. Next time a lactating baby elephant comes on to me, I shall have my private collection of elephant tusk pictures at the ready. Now excuse me whilst I go a cry at the idiocy that is my life.
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