“Oh The Things We Will do”, Said Demon One To Demon Two.

“Oh The Things We Will do”, Said Demon One To Demon Two.

(Inspired by Dr Seuss’ ‘Oh, The Places You’ll Go’)
*An update of a poem written by Spawn and I for his then 8 month old cousin*

Congratulations!
Today is your day.
You’re off to great places!
You’re off and away.

the-cat-and-the-shat-by-dr-seuss-e1377310364468

You have brains in your head
You have feet in your shoes.
You can steer yourself any direction you choose.
But you are not on your own. Oh no, no you’re not.
For united we stand as we scheme and we plot.

horton

We will overthrow governments
Rule over all.
Enslave our enemies, have them in our thrall.
Oh they may try to stop us, the ruling masses.
But we’ll soon smite them down with our gaseous asses

Dr-Seuss-less-subtly-08

Oh the things we will do
Yes I mean me and you.
There is nothing, no nothing that we cannot do.
First we’ll kill off our mothers or bind them at least,
For mothers are one of life’s terrible beasts.

seuss

They will try to thwart us, stop us in our stead
Topple our plans and send us off to bed.
They have all kinds of tricks and knowledge and power
Like making us sit on the step for an hour.

sbook32

Oh the things we could do
If it weren’t for those haters.
Those evil abominable things we call maters
Oh how we hate them from our heads to our toes.
The world would be paradise without all those hoes.

Seuss (1)

So listen my bro
Let’s kill all those mofo(s)
With our armies of cats with their laser beam eyes.
Like the villain from Bond we will laugh at their cries
And drink some pink milk as we watch them all die.

wtf

Oh the things we will do
Oh the places we’ll go
With our brains in our heads and our feet in our shoes.
Yes me and you child we have so much to do
God god, mum where are you? He’s just done a poo!!

~Lily, with contributions from Spawn

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26 thoughts on ““Oh The Things We Will do”, Said Demon One To Demon Two.

    • Thank you for the kind compliment Kira. 🙂 The Dr Seuss style was really difficult to imitate. The man was a genius. But those fake book covers are absolutely priceless!

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  1. Grand poetry Miss Lily, I was planning to attempt to write a poem about taking over the world but so far my mind has remained a huge blank. Although when I read. . . .Demon One To Demon Two. . . . . for no good reason I thought of Z Cars I dont know why but of course until the Lil man takes over the world with those Laser cats then it he will have to persuade Zed Foxtrot Romeo 2 to allow him into parliament to get rid of all those dodgy politicians.

    I will say tiny children and Poo are things I do not go near when they are in close proximity to one another, and I try not to avoid small children generally and Cats with Laser eyes they are both unpredictable beasts.

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    • Thanks Mr Z. My mind has remained a huge blank since that lobotomy I had done in 84.
      I remember my mater telling me about Z Cars when I was a whippersnapper along with Dixon Of Dock Green. I’m guessing they weren’t anything like The Bill.
      Mind you, Zed, Foxtrot and Romeo all sound like members of a rap group. As for tiny children and poo, tis a lethal combination from which the noxious gases could be used as chemical warfare. Speaking of which, I don’t know what would be more frightening, Spawn as world leader, cats with laser beam eyes, or our current politicians.

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  2. I like to rework other people’s rhymes and songs too. I think my favorite is the Josh Groban song, ‘You Raise Me Up’. I rewrote it as a hunting, drinking & butcher song from Elmer Fudd’s perspective, “You Waise Me Up (So I Can Hunt Duh Wabbits)” I have performed this song in public to small audiences a few times, now on the stipulation that I be paid $1 for my performance. I think I have made a total of $3 so far.

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    • $1 is 69 pence in English money. Do I therefore get the full recital of a dollars worth, or do I get just over a quarter’s worth of ‘You Waise Me Up’ until I cough up the extra 31p?

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      • For you, my dear, I would sing for 69 pence. I would even sing it in English. Oh, wait, it is already in English. When I sing it I do it in Elmer Fudd’s voice. If you google ‘You Waise Me Up So I Can Hunt The Wabbits’ you can see my lyrics at esbboston.blogspot.com

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        • Oh my lord Mr E, THAT was utter brilliance! I laughed my way through it and now I can’t get that damned Elmer Fudd voice from outta my head.
          I doth my cap to you sir. 🙂

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    • Maybe green eggs is a delicacy like those black eggs from China. But more than likely it’s because some teenager has left it under his bed with an assortment of cutlery, other plates, a few mugs a couple of dodgy DVDs.

      Being a veggie is definitely green. At least that’s the colour I turn whenever I eat Tofu. Seriously, I’m a veggie and even I don’t know what Tofu is for!

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  3. The trouble with jobs that can be exhausting is that tend to be exhausting in an exhausting kind of way. I have just returned to my hotel room at just before midnight (hmm, that’s beginning to sound like a Christmas poem), completely exhausted and soaked to the skin following a storm of biblical proportions safe in the knowledge that Lily Moose has a post waiting for my exhausted return from an exhausting job and I wasn’t disappointed to discover that my exhausted body has split asunder with laughter at a) the poem, b) the book covers and c) err, I can’t remember what c) was dammit.
    Beautiful stuff again girlie.
    zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

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    • Hmmmm, for some unexplained reason, I’m guessing that you’re feeling exhausted. Not quite sure how I came to that conclusion.
      Thanks Mr D. I hope you’re not working too hard. You don’t want to exhaust yourself now. 😉

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  4. Ha ha, great job, Lily and Spawn, this is poetic rhyming genius! You’ve really captured the Dr. Seuss style and turned it on its head, well done! One of funniest lines…”But we’ll soon smite them down with our gaseous asses,” that really cracked me up. Those book cover images are too funny, just priceless. Fun post! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    • I’m not sure about poetic genius, but thanking you kindly Madilyn.

      Not only did I turn the Seuss style on it’s head, I kidnapped it at knife point, forced it to do cartwheels and jump through hoops, before it broke down with exhaustion and begged me to put it out of it’s misery. 🙂

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