Whilst reading through some online recipes, I came across Paul Bocuse’s Poularde de Bresse truffee en vessie, which is essentially chicken with truffles, stuffed in a bladder. Now what or whose bladder is being stuffed I have no idea, or even what got Monsieur Bocuse’s so pissed off that he felt the need to insert a muscular organ with poultry and a type of fungi. What I do know is that cooking just got a whole lot more complicated. For some recipes, not only can the ingredients solely be sourced from countries such as Kazakhstan or Krungthepmahanakornamornratanakosinmahintarayutthayamahadilokph
opnopparatrajathaniburiromudomrajaniwesmahasatharnamornphimarnavatarnsathitsakkattiyavisanukamprasit,Thailand, but once you get your bountiful booty safely back home, you then need to take six weeks off work in order to prepare your starter.
It appears that nowadays, the average television viewer has become saturated by the deluge of cookery programmes currently being screened both here and in the US. Furthermore, a plethora of culinary chefs, including the likes of Heston Blumenthal, Gordon Ramsey and of course Bocuse himself, have made everyday cooking a thing of the past. With dishes that often contain such obscure items like Whale Phlegm, alongside programmes entitled “Hell, I ain’t eating it unless it has a face,” they have shown that you can make a veritable feast out of virtually anything…especially if you have either a cast iron stomach, a strong desire for death, or enjoy the taste of your own vomit.
So along with a few pictures of some culinary delights from around the world, I thought I’d invent a dish of my own. Bon Appetit.
For this particular recipe, you will need the breath of an extinct bird, preferable one from the lost city of Atlantis. Failing that, any extinct bird will do just as well.
First bake the breath of the extinct bird by performing the Macarena at regular intervals whilst standing in front of the oven. This will take approximately an hour and half, plus a further 3 years on a gas mark no higher than the sun.
To ensure that your bird breath is thoroughly cooked through, you must be sure to perform the Macarena whilst also doing the Hokey Pokey after about a year. This allows for that fine, crisp finish and golden glaze.
Next, Serve on a bed of mashed potatoes. The potatoes must be the original spuds first brought to England by Sir Walter Raleigh and given as a present to Queen Elizabeth the first. In order to make sure that the potatoes are mashed to the right consistency, you must get them to recite the alphabet in the Lost Language Of The Cranes, whilst doing back-flips.
Once the potatoes have finished reciting the alphabet, kiss them better whilst asking for forgiveness and smoke both the bird breath of extinction and the mash on a pile of wood-chip gathered from the wreckage of the Titanic.
Once the wood-chips are thoroughly ashamed of themselves, join both the bird breath of extinction and potatoes in holy matrimony and plate up.
Finally, serve with a lovely glass of Pinot Grigio which has been previously chilled, then passed through the bladder of a Yak, in order to bring out it’s full bodied flavour and enjoy.
Further recipes can be found in ‘Lily’s Big Book Of Further Recipes, That Come In The Form Of A Big Book And Which Contains Further Recipes.’ And the delightful ‘Two sprigs of lettuce and some Jus sauce does make a meal. An anorexic guide to culinary cooking,’ written by former model, Amma Bull Lemic.
Recipe plagiarised from myself in a post I wrote back in 2013