An Unscheduled Post via Urgent Parent Appeal.

Parent Appeal!

Are you tired? Stressed? Frustrated? Overworked?
About to beat your child over the head with their own left foot?
Are you fed up that your stealer of joy is slowly siphoning the life from you like a midget petrol thief?
Then why not call the NAPCA. (national association for the prevention of cruelty to adults).
We have a dedicated team of experts waiting to take your call.
Or why don’t you become a sponsor?
For just 50p a week, you can stop a desperate mother from being driven to the brink of becoming a crack hoe.
50p will provide much needed chocolate and comfort food to needy parents everywhere.
So go on, join today and make this world a much better place.

Call us now on 123-456-help
Or visit our website: http://www.ishouldhaverippedoutmywomb.co.uk/

*calls from a BT landline will cost more than the 50p that you will be donating and a whole shit more if you call from any other networks,  10 times more if you call from a mobile (cell). Subject to terms and conditions, terms being not to sue us if a huge phone bills ends up in your mailbox, conditions, insanity to obviously call us in the first place. And by the way, don’t you know that it’s unhealthy to be this close to the computer screen? I mean how bored must you be to even take the time out to look this closely at the small print? Don’t blame me if you have a migraine from all that squinting, most people just ignore it anyway.

~Lily

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43 thoughts on “An Unscheduled Post via Urgent Parent Appeal.

    • Since I cheated on him with his friends Jack Daniels and Jim Beam, Whiskey and I no longer speak. I do hope that he is still in high spirits though.

      Good to hear from you Mich. 🙂

      Like

      • Why am I not surprised that you know where to get cheap chocolate. I take my hat off to you. If I had a hat that is! I shall journey to our local Lidl which is not a great distance and indulge myself with a quids worth.

        Have a smashing day. I now have to pay the Dart Charge.

        Liked by 1 person

        • Heehee, I think losing that hat had far more impact than previously thought. Do you want me to book you in for a session? Of therapy, that is.

          I bloody love Lidl! If it was a man, I’d hunt it down and force myself upon it! Seriously, sometimes I say way too much…
          Happy chocolate gathering and enjoy the glorious but ever so annoying sunshine.

          Liked by 1 person

  1. Ah yes I read the small print. . . . I mean what sort of fool reads the small print. Chocolate is good and comfort food is a bit vague I mean are we talking apple crumble with loads of think (sorry thick) cream and a sprinkle of brown sugar or a packet or two of cheesy puffs that taste of cheese. Vanilla ice cream and salt and vinegar crisps is rather good. . . . .NO honest try it you will find is lovely although you need good quality ice cream.

    I started to tinker with a wordpress blog today but it is hidden out of view at present because it seems wordpress is much harder to get your head round than Blogger. I thought I might just copy all the poetry into one blog although it will still be on the old blog. It is more curiosity to see how it compares.

    Liked by 1 person

    • I always read the small print Mr Z, but then I’m the type of person who reads the back of cereal boxes for fun.

      Choc ice and chips was a favourite when I was pregnant and sage and onion stuffing with gravy and nothing else, is one of mine and the Lil man’s comfort food choice. Now I like vanilla ice-cream and I love salt and vinegar crisps, so I might have to give that a go. But then I like Marmite, so it doesn’t say much for my tastebuds.

      Ooh, I’m glad you’re coming over to the DARK SIDE. WordPress is a bugger to set up the first time. But once you get used to it, it’s surprisingly easy to navigate and has a lot more features than Blogger. I think putting all your poetry down on one blog is an excellent idea Mr Z.

      Like

  2. You did the A to z and I missed it? So very sorry, I really could have used the advice…and to thonk, you are on my Favorites…how did I miss you> Hic….? same as some others, I guess…hangs head in shame………

    Liked by 1 person

    • Heehee, Hi Tracy, I was just thinking about you the other day. And yep, I survived the A-Z challenge. Don’t worry, you didn’t miss much. 🙂

      Like

  3. I am really upset ….. I was looking forward to that website 🙂

    I find loud yelling, swearing, face pulling, yelling, more swearing, indulging in food that is really bad for me, trying to break something (other than the child) and cleaning out all my cupboards so I can through everything out doesn’t work very well – but it is better than the alternative! Hence, I am know to be a foul-mouthed loud-mouth who has nothing left in there house except floors and ceiling.

    Commiserations. All I can say was that I hope the conception sex was worth the stress 😉

    Liked by 1 person

  4. If your website gets shut down, you can have one of mine. http://www.quickshutthecurtainsbeforesheseesus.co.uk is available (recommended if you wish to pretend not to be in for unwelcome guests), or http://www.thisonesonawatchlist.org.uk which I tend to use when “researching” nasty ways of killing someone for a twisty story. Hmmm, maybe the latter wouldn’t do you any favours. Wouldn’t want you to get banged up for my browsing history. Who would keep me amused over brekkie then?

    Liked by 1 person

  5. LOL Lily, NAPCA, very clever and much needed, I bet! I didn’t get to be a mom but I empathize, and I fully support tons of chocolate and comfort food for desperate parents everywhere!!! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Recently, I saw a sticker on the back of a car that read, “Have you threatened you child with eternal damnation today?” (I’m not making this shit up!) And I thought to myself, What the hell is Lily doing in Arkansas of all places?

    I followed the car for three blocks hoping to get up beside it to see if it really was you behind the wheel, but you lost me in one of those stupid roundabouts they insist on putting at every intersection.

    Oh well, enjoy your holiday in America and keep those threats coming.

    Liked by 1 person

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