X is for…er…um…nope, got nothing for X. Not The A-Z Of Cockney Rhyming Slang.

pearly

Pearly Kings and Queens-Members of the committee for the Cultural Originators (of) Cockney Kaflooey.

Well this is embarrassing. It appears that the linguistic patter of the East End Cockney, did not extend to the letter X. You would have thought that folk adept in the art of taking a simple word and then stretching it beyond all necessity, would have had the oral skills to navigate the most evil…seriously X, what is the sodding point of you? difficult letter of the alphabet. But oh no, when it came to the mangling of the English Language, it seems that the committee for the ‘Cultural Originators (of) Cockney Kaflooey’, (or to give it it’s abbreviated title C.O.C…er…best not to mention it’s abbreviated title) were out to lunch that day. So instead, here’s an X poem which has absolutely nothing to do with Cockney Rhyming Slang. You’re welcome.

X

Xena Xenosa

WARNING: This is a warning to warn you that I am warning you to be aware that this is a warning. Poem may contains scenes of an adult nature. Also, never stick your finger into the blades of an oscillating fan as decapitation stings quite a bit. End of warning.

Xena Xenosa a girl at school.
had eyes a big as swimming pools.
Feet like boats and teeth like planks,
Xena X was a bit of a skank.

The thing about Xena you see,
was she spent her time upon her knees.
From pubs to clubs, men’s bathroom stalls,
that Xena X had had them all.

Indeed it was a well known fact,
she spent most of her time upon her back,
as boys lined up at the bicycle shed,
Xena Xenosa would give good advice…what?

As whorish as that girl could be,
she was quite wise, a sage was she,
who offered up talk of relationships,
though most of it was a pile of shit.

I learned from her some interesting stuff,
like boys hate girls with a hairy muff.
That you can’t get pregnant standing up.
And don’t watch that film, ‘2 girls one cup’.

I also learned tampons you see,
can make you lose your virginity.
And sperm can’t swim there way through knickers,
as I was told by Nigel Vickers.

You can’t get pregnant the first time
and apparently fish tastes nice with lime.
But Xena Xenosa with her vast knowledge,
got pregnant after leaving college.

I recently heard upon the vine,
that she’s got 10 kids from babe to nine.
And she married that arsehole Nigel Vickers,
who now knows sperm can swim through knickers.

~Lily

*Did I say I was a poet?
Seriously folks, I can smell your judgement from here.

 

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15 thoughts on “X is for…er…um…nope, got nothing for X. Not The A-Z Of Cockney Rhyming Slang.

  1. Lily, I am laughing out loud at your poem, great stuff!! Raunchy as hell and I love it! 🙂

    No “x” in the Cockney rhyming slang? The committee really was out to lunch that day, dinner as well! ‘Cultural Originators (of) Cockney Kaflooey’ (and the abbreviated title) LOL!! Oh, that picture is priceless too.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Well I’ve been pretty tame up til now. I thought it was time to throw in a bit of what makes this blog what it is, rudeness and crassness.
      As for no X in cockney rhyming slang, how on earth do you go through the alphabet and miss out one letter? If anyone could have come up with a phrase, it’s the cockneys. I feel let down by our ancient Pearly Kings and Queens. Those damned members of C.O.C…oh yeah, I forgot I’m not to mention the abbreviated term. 😉

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Well Miss lily as you will know we are into areas of poetry here that I sort of dont do, what with me being the quite simple middle class chap (but slightly odd) that I am. I did Google Xena Xenosa and was pleased to see a Harry Potter link, well that was indeed clever of you.

    It is strange that those cockneys did not get to the letter X but then back in the days when life was tough in the heart of working class London maybe they did not know of the letter X, I mean there is no letter X in the Welsh alphabet which may imply all cockneys are Welsh

    Liked by 1 person

    • I would use the term ‘poetry’ very loosely Mr Z, in regards to what I write. Unfortunately, my mind runs much like the murky depths of the Lil Man’s bedroom, dark and unclean.

      I had no idea that Xena Xenosa had a Harry Potter connection. I was thinking more along the lines of ‘Xena Warrior Princess’.

      I still can’t fathom how anyone can miss out X. just look at it. Now that’s a hard letter to miss. What little I do know, is that Cockney rhyming slang may have originated from Ireland, but maybe the originators came from Wales, travelled to Ireland and then went on to London.I know, that explanation makes less sense then I do.

      Like

  3. X is awful, I had to do x-stitch today and I always spell it cross-stitch so that hurt my head a little… I have enjoyed your Cockney slang series quite a bit, and I think it has helped me while I read Little Princess and The secret garden and call the midwives, even if it was a different type of dialect than cockney slang it helped me to understand as I have mostly only read BBC English before 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you Vilje Daisuki, I did have fun with this. Not sure how they helped as I seem to have singularly destroyed the British language with these posts, but thank you.:)

      And thanks also for visiting and commenting. Good luck for the rest of the challenge. We are almost done!

      Like

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