H is for Hairy Toes-The A-Z Of Cockney Rhyming Slang

Poverty sucks folks.
I can’t send the little man out to work because he’s getting far too big to fit up a chimney and all the mines have closed, so I can’t send him down into a bottomless dark pit to go digging for coal either. Oh, and apparently there’s some archaic law that prevents children from doing hard labour and working long hours…jeez, whatever happened to good old fashion Victorian work ethics?
Anyway, to bring in some spare cash, I thought that I’d go down to London and ply my wares on the streets of Soho, you know, as a woman of the night. Imagine my horror when I charged the first guy a measly £5 and the bastard asked for change!! Next up, I thought about putting Spawn up for sale. I found a wonderful couple in dire need of child labour a child’s love but 2 hours later, they were back at my door begging for me to take him back. To be honest, I’m surprised that it took them that long.
After 4 hours of hard negotiations, Spawn was safely back home, with the couple agreeing to pay a monthly allowance of £500 and a promise from him to never go near them again. So really, it all worked out quite well in the end.
Now on with the show, with the star quest being none other than the letter…

H

Cockney rhyming slang-Hairy Toes

Translation-Nose

Example-“His hairy toes are so big, the bleedin’ tide ebbs and flows whenever he  inhales and exhales.”

toe

Picture of hairy toes…okay, technically it’s a hairy foot. Good God, is this what my life has become…

~Lily

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20 thoughts on “H is for Hairy Toes-The A-Z Of Cockney Rhyming Slang

  1. Lily, your intro here is hysterical…”the bastard asked for change!” LOL! Hairy toes for nose, now that’s some funny Cockney slang. Loved your example and cool drawing of the hairy mustached foot…so who cares if it’s not technically toes, I like it! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    • You know that you’re sexually undesirable, when you can’t even give it away! H was supposed to be ‘ham and eggs,’ (legs) but trying to draw appendages from food, proved harder than I thought. Feet are so much simpler. It wasn’t until I finished the foot, saved it, downloaded it and then printed it, that I realised the discrepancy between title and picture. Never mind, chocolate and kettle chips soon soothed the pain of my discovery.
      Thanks Madilyn. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Miss Lily I think it is safe to say the lil man will always be there for you, Yes I’m afraid it is likely that in today’s environment he will be living with you for at least the next twenty five years. AH yes happy thoughts indeed and as he grows and takes over your house he will insist that you head off to bed up the apple and pears so to speak at 9:00 with a mug of cocoa and making the odd comment about your hairy toes saving a small fortune in slippers. Then saying that if you are good and keep quiet he will let you have a small gin as a treat with you breakfast, an organic egg and bready soldiers. Of course if you are not good he will hide your teeth and then eating breakfast will get very messy indeed, not helped by the fact he has locked the gin in a cupboard.

    Well I bet that has cheered you up loads

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Enjoyed, but really, hairy toes = nose. Should have just said hairy n0se in the first place, pretty descriptive of the inside of anyone’s nose I would have thought.

    Don’t try and get rid of Spawn – you will need him to provide money to keep you in your old age. Always pays to think ahead when temptation raises is blade.

    Liked by 1 person

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