I begin bedtime countdown at 9:00. In the morning.
Recently, at 9:03 am, Spawn asked if I actually loved him, because he got the distinct feeling that I looked forward to not having him around. Didn’t I feel at least a little bit guilty about this?
I looked up “guilt” in the dictionary and laughed for a full twenty minutes.
At 9 pm, all talking must cease. His soundproof door is shut and locked down tight so that I can enjoy the little melody that one of my voices sings to me at night. But despite my numerous attempts at total silence using duct tape, ball gags, stuffed animals, corks, and cotton balls, various sounds still escape from the mouth of my womb-fruit.
On occasion, he will chew through the leather and scratch through the door to escape. There’s an immediate freeze when my eyes lock into his, almost like a deer in headlights. And depending on his level of bladder fill and his ability to control it, he will either pretend to see nothing, drop to his stomach and belly crawl to the bathroom, or back away slowly, all the way back into his boy cave. These incidents are never spoken of come the morning, and the bedtime countdown begins once again.
And now The Incoherent Rambling Of A Moose is brought to you today by the letter…
Cockney rhyming slang-Garden fence
Translation-Dense
Example-“*That Arnold Palmer (farmer) Smith, is a proper garden fence.The other day, e’ bear’s paw (saw) a bull caught in an electric fence and thought it was charging.”
~Lily
*Yeah, my baby sis didn’t get the joke either.
The Incoherent Ramblings Of A Moose 
You do make me larf. Haven’t a scooby wot you’re on about to begin wiv but am in stitches by the second sentence (usually 5years). In the words of all the girls I’ve ever known, “Keep it up!”
Now I must go and read the previous posts wot you wrote although it might just be one cos you refer to the letter E twice for some reason. Just saying.
By the way, toys back in pram, pants up and speaking in a deep, Barry White type voice.
Have a great day
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Thanks Mr D. Not sure if I can keep it up, but like the Duracell Bunny, I shall endeavour to keep on banging away…you know, like they do with those little drums.
I did post E twice and had to quickly style it out. Trust you to be the only person to notice.
Glad to see that you’ve pulled up your britches, put away your Lego and asserted control over you Adams apple. Don’t make me have to tell you off again. 😉
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Oops. No you didnt. Cracked screen again
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Hi Lily, before you assume that those little voices are internal, and reach for the meds, why not check that Spawn hasn’t constructed a cunning network of tubes and holes using knowledge garnered from the Internet and YouTube re-runs of Blue Peter? You might find that he’s found a way of throwing his voice just to wind you up. More.
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*Remind myself NEVER to show Spawn this comment, less he should get some fresh new ideas on ways to torture mother*
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When the Lil man finally takes over the world and is deciding who is friend and who is foe I suspect he might remember one or two of these little incidents so it might be a good idea to let him stay up until 9.30. After all he is a growing lad and will one day no doubt end up taller than yourself, something that seems to happen to many parents these days. I blame all this healthy food and stuff that folk try and avoid eating
. . . .Arnold Palmer, now that is going back a bit. I remember him
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The Lil man is already taller than me and I’m 5ft 8″. In comparison to him, I resemble an Oompa Loompa but without the orange hue. After all, I’m not from Essex.
If the lil man stays up late, then next morning there will be no food left in the house. As for eating healthily, the boy goes through withdrawal symptoms if he hasn’t had cake or chocolate for less than an hour at a time.
Arnold Palmer, I’m sure I dated him back in school.
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Well Miss lily Arnold Palmer was noted for getting his balls in the right place and having a great swing so if you did date him you would remember for sure.
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Nah, this guy’s balls were all over the place. Must of been his brother.
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“Garden fence” 😀 Very applicable to a lot of people… Thanks!
@TarkabarkaHolgy from
The Multicolored Diary
MopDog
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I know people who are so dense, that even a garden fence would take umbrage at that description.
Thank you for your comment and for visiting. 🙂
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I love a good pan. Planning for quite time at the start of the day seems good to me!
P.S I also saw E twice, but I refrained from saying so due to laziness. I just thought wordpress was doing it’s thing!
Oh, and I understood the joke 🙂
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Thank you Claudette. I must have explained that joke to my sister at least 100 times by offering examples, mime and a rather elegant dance interpretation. But judging by her response, you would have thought that I’d been speaking Swahili.
The really messed up part about doing E twice, was that I was preparing to write yet another E post when I noticed my error. It seems my brain has formed an emotional attachment to that particular letter.
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🙂 Englebert Humperdink – I’m sure that is why E sticks in your mind
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Just seeing that name makes me giggle. 🙂
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Lily, that joke was funny LOL! Don’t know many Arnold Palmers but I’ve known many folks who are definitely garden fences!
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I think that 50& of garden fences make up the world’s population and about 30% are made up of planks. (idiots).
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That joke was a groaner, but those are the best ones.
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Believe me Brett, I went and placed myself in the stupid corner after writing that joke. It’s no more than I deserve.
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That joke was a groaner but a funny groaner and this whole post made me smile. I think it’s funny that Arnold Palmer is a farmer. Over here he’s a golfer. 😉
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That cockney rhyming slang, was more modern than the others I’ve written and does in fact, refer to the golfer. You’re the only person that’s worked that out. 🙂
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Oh yay! I didn’t know if anybody over on your side of the pond knew about him. 🙂
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You are knocking these so hard out of the park that I can’t even think of comments to measure up!
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Thank you Andrea, you’re presence is more than enough. 🙂
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