F is for (Emma) Freud-The A-Z Challenge Of Cockney Rhyming Slang.

A loving message from a mother (me) to her child (Spawn)
Spawn, on the day you were born, I thanked the good Lord for the creation of the cocoa bean, so that man could bring forth chocolate with which to eat away my misery, and for the grains produced, so that I may cry myself to sleep at night after necking down a whole bottle of gin. And if it hadn’t been for the invention of Crack, who knows where we would be right now. The doctors all told me that you were a miracle child and to that, I agree, because it’s a bloody miracle how I haven’t killed you yet.

You have proven from the start that you are a fighter and because of you, my labia lips are now stretched beyond recognition and my Lady Garden can now hold a small nation as well as it’s neighbouring country. And all because you fought so valiantly to cling on to my intestines rather than to be born on time.
Your way with words and your very presence, makes me wish that I had reached into my own womb and tied those fallopian tubes myself. But when all is said and done, you are my moon and stars…although that still doesn’t stop me from wanting to bludgeon you into near unconsciousness and laugh gleefully and a little manically over your still, prone and lifeless body. And now on to today’s letter, which is…

F

 

Cockney rhyming slang-Emma Freud (emphasis on Freud…yes I know it’s cheating because technically the first word is Emma, but I’m currently suffering from a rare disease called ‘Lazyitis’ which prevents me from looking up a word beginning with F. Oh how I suffer for my art!)

Translation-Haemorrhoids

Example-“The bloomin’ doctor gave me sum cream ter treat me Emma Freud, but I daan’t fink they deserve a treat.”

 

pain

 

~Lily

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25 thoughts on “F is for (Emma) Freud-The A-Z Challenge Of Cockney Rhyming Slang.

  1. Is not Haemorrhoids cockney rhyming slag for dark voids. . . . . . Well you are doing really well Miss Lily, how is the old Mojo going are you feeling inspired and plan to keep going far beyond the letter Z with posts full of wit and wisdom in order to meet the demand of your many followers. Or will you make one of those colourful cockney hand gestures as favoured traditional London black cad drivers, telling us all to go away.

    Liked by 1 person

    • I think looking at haemorrhoids, is like looking into a dark void.

      Thanks Mr Z. My mojo is shot to pieces and I think it’s safe to say, that people can probably see that my posts are last minute.
      The only thing my readers demand, is my retirement from blogging.

      Ooh, what gesture is that then? Is it like the peace sign?

      Like

  2. LOL Emma Freud for haemorrhoids! I know a few people who give me Emma Freuds ha ha! Love your bloomin’ doctor example and your Lily and Spawn artwork.

    Lily, when all is said and done, despite those devil horns and any Emma Freuds, Spawn is clearly your moon and stars. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    • He really is. Although most days, I could quite happily put my boot up his jacksy. (cockney word for arse)And when I say happily, I mean that the mental image of seeing his eyes almost pop out of head when I do so, gives me an enormous sense of satisfaction.

      Thanks Madilyn. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  3. First, I LOVE the ONE strand of hair coming out the top of your head! Hahahaha. Second.. I just deleted a photo of external hemorrhoids off of my phone that I actually ganked from Roseanne Barr’s Twitter. Not even kidding. She was apparently referencing a couple of guys she didn’t like and there was the photo in all of it’s disgusting glory, a man no less with his nut sack hanging out much like his Emma Freuds! Hahahaha.

    Liked by 1 person

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