E is for ‘Edgar Allan Poes’. The A-Z Of Cockney Rhyming Slang.

WARNING-This post may contain nuts and by ‘nuts,’ I mean the word ‘penis’.

Ah, Paolo.
Paolo was a man that was pure prime meat. Not the stuff that’s marked ‘sale’ and which has been in the freezer so long that it looks like Donatella Versace. No, he was the type of meat that had not only been specifically hand reared and fed from the teats of heavenly nubile virgins whilst resting on a bed of feathers which had been plucked from the exotic birds of the Galapagos Island, but meat that was then lulled into a sleep induced coma so as not to feel any pain.

157682-3ae8dc5e-d4b0-11e3-a788-f9855f7e436a

Meat that’s been left too long in the freezer.

His body, which was a deep, rich, brown hue, had obviously been sculpted from the finest bronze and lovingly hand-crafted by the Goddess Venus herself. And oh, those thighs! On a cool, crisp morning, I would set my alarm clock and follow watch him leave his home in order to go jogging. The mist of the morning chill, would cause his shorts to dampen, thus in turn, melding themselves to his perfect male form and by perfect male form, I mean his penis. (Seriously, I can’t understand why no one reads my tales. That last line was sheer bloody poetry)
I would catch my breath in awe as it he bounced up and down on the pavement, feet pounding on the littered streets, and even the trees would gasp in wonder at the magnificence of the bulk contained within those shorts, wishing that they too, had trunks as majestic as his…and no, I’m not talking about his penis but his thighs. (Do you think that this might be the reason why my offer of being a freelance writer for ‘Mother and Baby,’ magazine was rejected?)
Anyway, on to today’s letter which is…what? You didn’t actually think this story was going anywhere did you? You did? Oh, my bad.

E

Cockney rhyming slang-Edgar Allan Poes

Translation-Toes

Example-How comes Sarah Jessica Parker’s boat race (face) looks like a foot without the Edgar Allan Poes?

sjp3

poe toes

Edgar Allan Poes=Toes

~Lily

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20 thoughts on “E is for ‘Edgar Allan Poes’. The A-Z Of Cockney Rhyming Slang.

  1. Lily, your tale of Paolo had me positively drooling…nuts and all!! Oh, my bad LOL!

    Edgar Allan Poes for toes, now that’s wild! I’d love to know how the Cockney came up with that one. You can see from the look on Sarah Jessica Parker’s boat race that she’s not pleased with her Edgar Allan Poes … guess that’s why her boat race resembles a foot ha ha!!

    Liked by 1 person

    • I’m convinced that all cockneys in the mid 19th century, were imbibing of the poppy juice. That’s the only explanation I can come up with for some of these slangs.

      I probably should stop with the Sarah Jessica Parker gags. I don’t want word to get to her that something wrong is afoot…

      As for Paolo, I’ve got some lovely pictures of him that I captured using my night time, infra red, high definition telescopic lenses.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Your ingenuity is ingenious (my descriptive language skills are at a low ebb at the moment). Funny ans something that is really funny. (see, I told you it was a low ebb = detritus-left-on-the-beach-from-20-years-ago).

    Liked by 1 person

    • I need to stop with the insults. It’s not that I don’t like SJP, or that I think she’s without talent, but she does resemble an eggplant sometimes…did I say I was stopping with the insults?

      Liked by 1 person

    • Those Poes took bloody ages to do! I’m just not cut out for all this creative stuff. Creative people are Gods in my opinion, I mean who has that kind of patience…apart from stalkers…and serial killers…

      I may finish the tale of Paolo after the challenge and much recuperation.

      Like

    • Andrea, it was more solid oak tree than twig.
      Depending on the recovery time from the trauma of doing the A-Z, I may continue with the story of Paolo the magnificence.

      Like

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