D is for Dog and Bone. A-Z Challenge Of Cockney Rhyming Slang.

It was a hot and barren wasteland, a no-man’s land. No one had sought to plunge headlong into its luxurious depth, which was once rich with the soil of fecundity, for what seemed like a millennium.

It had now become somewhat of a forbidden place, a terrain that because it burned with the heat of a thousand suns, could no longer sustain any signs of life.

In the past, many men had tried to traverse its enormous and expansive plains but they had quickly perished by the wayside, exhausted and ragged, their last breaths pulled from their lungs as they valiantly struggled onwards towards the finishing point. None of them ever made it. And so this place, this land devoid of hope and being, remained abandoned and wanting. But enough about my vagina, let’s get on to today’s letter, which is…

D

Cockney rhyming slang-Dog and Bone

Translation-Phone

Example, as told by this badly written joke-The dog and bone rang in the stately home of Lord Armstrong  and his butler answered the call.’It’s me. Please go to my wife’s bedroom and tell her that I’ll be home late from the club.’
I’m sorry, Milord, her ladyship is already asleep.’

‘Then wake her and tell her, while I hold the dog and bone, the caller demanded.
‘Yes, Sir,’ the butler replied.The butler returned and said, ‘My Lord, her ladyship’s door was locked, and when I knocked, a man’s voice told me to go hell.’The caller then ordered gruffly, ‘Damn them! Get a rifle from my collection, break down the door, and shoot them both.Yes, Sir,’ the butler responded. A few minutes later, the butler returned to the dog and bone  and reported, ‘My Lord, I tried my best. I killed your wife, but as I was about to shoot the man, he jumped through the window and into the garden, and ran away.’The confused caller then said, ‘Eh, what garden? There’s no garden next to my bedroom window.”In that case, Sir, I am afraid you dialled a wrong number.  Good day.’

 

dog and bone

 

~Lily

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23 thoughts on “D is for Dog and Bone. A-Z Challenge Of Cockney Rhyming Slang.

  1. I have been reading your blog long enough Miss Lily to realise that as soon as I read . . . It was a hot and barren wasteland . . . we were heading off in directions that may not be totally approved of by the A to Z powers that be. All I can say is you are a very naughty lady (OK yes I know you would be given half a chance). Of course in the old days phones had leads connected to them so Dog and Bone made some sense, today the last thing folk use phones for is phoning folk . . . . . . . its a funny old world

    I guess today the modern trendy cockney would say . . . I’ll send a text on the Dolly Parton’s Groan (Smart phone).

    Liked by 1 person

    • Heehee, everyone time I go to write something a little naughty, I think of you lightly scolding me.
      Don’t worry Mr Z, I’ve read a lot worse on the challenge and those are the ones that haven’t put AC on their blogs. If my entries get pulled, then I’ll continue with the challenge unofficially…or maybe not.It already feels too much like hard work.

      There is a new wave of cockney rhyming slang being used. Not sure the young uns would know who Dolly Parton is though.

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  2. Lily, your intro to the piece was a classic!! 🙂 And I love the dog and phone images! Did you make them? So clever! “Is that a bone in your paws, or are you just pleased to see me?” with the red lips to denote hussy status ha ha! LOL about the dog with the boner…er bone! And that joke, OMG, so bad it’s funny!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thanks Madilyn, As for that joke, I’ve got no excuse it. Spawn read it and said that I should be fired out of a cannon over shark infested waters, and then tarred and featured if I manage to reach dry land. Such a simple and understated child.

      The hussy phone was indeed my creation, but not the dog. That was the creation of Google images.

      Liked by 1 person

    • Aww, thank you Karen! The posts are a little haphazard because of course, I planned NOTHING and it’s all done at the last minute, so that means a lot. Thanks! 🙂

      Like

    • I could go into the obscure with cockney words like ‘Barney’ which means ‘fight’ but doesn’t rhyme, vs Barney Rubble which means ‘trouble’. But then I’d have to go and lie down in a dark room lest my head implodes.

      Liked by 1 person

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