The Session

First of all, I’d like to say a very big thank you to all those who sent their condolences either on ‘Incoherent Ramblings’, email, or via private message on my sparsely populated new Facebook page. Seriously folks, it meant a lot.
Secondly, I’d like to also thank the wonderfully funny Mr Brian Lageose from Bonnywood Manor for gifting me with this gift, which is quite a gift…

Thank you Brian! Me love you long time!

The Therapist

The walk to the therapist’s office is never an easy one. Conversation at times, is occasionally stilted, as we seek to find common ground amid our verbal outpourings, the weather usually being the number one topic. The office is where the real talk begins, where the battle lines are drawn. Spawn and I, our nerves already frayed, are usually a tight-knit team…until we enter the office. And then it becomes an all our war.

 “So how are you both today?”

“Oh I’m fine Dr V.Jaina. Him?” (nods head in the direction of Spawn) “Meh, still crazy.”

“Lily, in therapy, we prefer not to label people by using such terms as ‘crazy’. We tend to find that name calling can have a detrimental affect upon one’s core being, which subsequently leads to a low sense of self worth and therefore, low self esteem”

“Oh I do apologise Doctor V.Jaina. What I meant to say was, that he is still cuckoo for coco pops, mad as a hatter, two cans short of a six pack, insane in the membrane, off the deep end, on crack, Cujo, crazier than a shit house rat…”

 “Er, can I just stop you there Lily. Is there anything that you can say about Spawn that isn’t in anyway negative?”

“Nope.”

“Okay…and you Spawn, how have you been feeling?”

“My head hurts with the agony of a thousand tiny pins piercing away at my cranium and my soul cries out through it’s hatred of those that seek to make me lesser than who I am. My heart feels as though it has been shattered into a million pieces and each individual piece then stomped upon and grounded into the dust of humanity’s sin. Apart from that, I’m ok.”

“Oh boy.” (pinches bridge of nose at the migraine threatening to appear) “So, how are things at home?”

“They’d be much better if he moved out.”

“Then you and your laptop could have some alone time, it being the only thing that you have a meaningful relationship with.”

“Okay, can I just stop you both there…”

“You know I only had you so that you could cook, clean and do all the household chores.”

“You only had me because you have loose morals and no elastic in your knickers.”

 “If I could just interrupt you both for a moment…”

“Well that’s where you’re wrong, I don’t wear knickers.”

” Yes, I’ve heard that women of the night usually don’t.”

“I’ve had enough of you and your selfish ways.”

“I’m not selfish, I just lack consideration for others and am only concerned  with my own needs and desires.”

 “OK. THAT IS ENOUGH! WILL YOU BOTH JUST STOP!!”

“Well how incredibly rude.”

 “Doctor V.Jaina, my child does not need to be exposed to that level of anger and vitriol. Shame on you.”

“I apologise profusely to you both. But I was just trying to gain control of a situation that seems to be spiralling out of control.”

“Your apparent anger issues seems to be the only thing spiralling out of control.”

“A bit like your moral compass mother.”

“Why are we even here? It’s clear that your kind of crazy can’t ever be fixed.”

“A bit like your virtues you demented old circus monkey.”

“Be quiet, child who flew waaay over the cuckoo’s nest.”

“What does that even mean woman so stupid that you got hit by a parked car.”

“Oh, so we’re now reciting old ‘your mama’ jokes now?”

“Oh good grief!”

To be continued…

~Lily