The Session

First of all, I’d like to say a very big thank you to all those who sent their condolences either on ‘Incoherent Ramblings’, email, or via private message on my sparsely populated new Facebook page. Seriously folks, it meant a lot.
Secondly, I’d like to also thank the wonderfully funny Mr Brian Lageose from Bonnywood Manor for gifting me with this gift, which is quite a gift…

liebster-award-2

Thank you Brian! Me love you long time!

The Therapist

The walk to the therapist’s office is never an easy one. Conversation at times, is occasionally stilted, as we seek to find common ground amid our verbal outpourings, the weather usually being the number one topic. The office is where the real talk begins, where the battle lines are drawn. Spawn and I, our nerves already frayed, are usually a tight-knit team…until we enter the office. And then it becomes an all our war.

dr

 “So how are you both today?”

0f1e8-jessica

“Oh I’m fine Dr V.Jaina. Him?” (nods head in the direction of Spawn) “Meh, still crazy.”

dr

“Lily, in therapy, we prefer not to label people by using such terms as ‘crazy’. We tend to find that name calling can have a detrimental affect upon one’s core being, which subsequently leads to a low sense of self worth and therefore, low self esteem”

0f1e8-jessica

“Oh I do apologise Doctor V.Jaina. What I meant to say was, that he is still cuckoo for coco pops, mad as a hatter, two cans short of a six pack, insane in the membrane, off the deep end, on crack, Cujo, crazier than a shit house rat…”

dr5

 “Er, can I just stop you there Lily. Is there anything that you can say about Spawn that isn’t in anyway negative?”

0f1e8-jessica

“Nope.”

dr4

“Okay…and you Spawn, how have you been feeling?”

1f2f1-evil

“My head hurts with the agony of a thousand tiny pins piercing away at my cranium and my soul cries out through it’s hatred of those that seek to make me lesser than who I am. My heart feels as though it has been shattered into a million pieces and each individual piece then stomped upon and grounded into the dust of humanity’s sin. Apart from that, I’m ok.”

doc

“Oh boy.” (pinches bridge of nose at the migraine threatening to appear) “So, how are things at home?”

0f1e8-jessica

“They’d be much better if he moved out.”

1f2f1-evil

“Then you and your laptop could have some alone time, it being the only thing that you have a meaningful relationship with.”

dr4

“Okay, can I just stop you both there…”

0f1e8-jessica

“You know I only had you so that you could cook, clean and do all the household chores.”

1f2f1-evil

“You only had me because you have loose morals and no elastic in your knickers.”

dr5

 “If I could just interrupt you both for a moment…”

0f1e8-jessica

“Well that’s where you’re wrong, I don’t wear knickers.”

1f2f1-evil

” Yes, I’ve heard that women of the night usually don’t.”

0f1e8-jessica

“I’ve had enough of you and your selfish ways.”

1f2f1-evil

“I’m not selfish, I just lack consideration for others and am only concerned  with my own needs and desires.”

dr5

 “OK. THAT IS ENOUGH! WILL YOU BOTH JUST STOP!!”

1f2f1-evil

“Well how incredibly rude.”

54af7-jessica

 “Doctor V.Jaina, my child does not need to be exposed to that level of anger and vitriol. Shame on you.”

dr5

“I apologise profusely to you both. But I was just trying to gain control of a situation that seems to be spiralling out of control.”

0f1e8-jessica

“Your apparent anger issues seems to be the only thing spiralling out of control.”

1f2f1-evil

“A bit like your moral compass mother.”

0f1e8-jessica

“Why are we even here? It’s clear that your kind of crazy can’t ever be fixed.”

1f2f1-evil

“A bit like your virtues you demented old circus monkey.”

54af7-jessica

“Be quiet, child who flew waaay over the cuckoo’s nest.”

1f2f1-evil

“What does that even mean woman so stupid that you got hit by a parked car.”

0f1e8-jessica

“Oh, so we’re now reciting old ‘your mama’ jokes now?”

doc

“Oh good grief!”

To be continued…

~Lily

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32 thoughts on “The Session

    • Poor Spawn, he’s been devastated since finding out that his father and I didn’t have coitus just the one time in order to conceive him. Now he thinks I’m some kind of immoral floozy.

      Liked by 2 people

  1. All is well with the world when Miss Lilly and Spawn are doing what seems to come naturally – fighting like dog and cat. Or innies and outies (I’m already fed up of hearing about bloody EU referendum and we’ve still got over 3 months to go). Sending best wishes.x

    Liked by 1 person

    • We do like a spot of verbal jousting Kimberley, which usually results in us both laughing our heads off after. He is indeed a worthy sparing partner. It’s when the machete and knives come out, that things often take a turn for the worse.

      I’ve taken to to turning my TV off when it comes to the referendum. I hear that throwing a brick at the screen, is quite costly to repair.

      Like

    • As always Mr E, my head imploded upon reading your comment. Can’t you just not say anything intelligent for a while? You’re making the rest of us look stupid…okay, it doesn’t take much to make me look stupid I admit.

      Like

  2. I have to say the pair of you are sure a force to reckon, with I bet that therapist must go home at the end of the day wondering what its all about. Have you considered buying the Lil-man a ventriloquists dummy now that really would spook them. No one likes ventriloquists dummy’s any more. they are the unspeakable demons of the devil, when I say unspeakable demons of the devil I actually mean . . . ungeekable gemons of ga gevil. . . .

    I was drinking a glass of water while I typed that . . . not a gottle of geer. HAHAH AHaha ha ha ha ha ha ha ah ah a ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha

    Liked by 1 person

    • Ooh, lil man was just asking yesterday how to throw his voice, so maybe he’s thinking of becoming a creepy man with a penchant for sticking his hand up a fabric made, but human form bottom.

      Funnily enough Mr Z, the therapist always says how much she enjoys talking to the lil man. Funny how I never get a mention.

      Like

    • Heehee, did you take a look at the therapist’s planner?
      Of course this is a gross exaggeration of the session, but in reality, you can almost see the fear in her eyes when Spawn and I enter the room.

      Like

  3. Lily, right away reading your post I laughed out loud at the doctor’s name! Well I’m sure “Doctor V.Jaina” went home and had a stiff drink after that session LOL! If I were a therapist (and I actually minored in psychology in college for all the good it did me lol!), I’d look forward to the sessions with you and Spawn, kinda gets the blood going and never boring. You and Spawn certainly have some clever albeit jabbing exchanges sparing back and forth. You both have such a quick wit! Overall though I think therapy is a good thing if for nothing else than to have a third person to direct stuff at. Also, big congrats on your well-deserved award!! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    • Madilyn, V.Jaina was the tamest name that I felt that I could get away with on these pages. I have to admit, though it’s not nice, that Spawn and I do antagonise his therapist on purpose…I know, it’s evil. But Spawn has been in therapy since he was 18 months so knows how the process works better than most of the therapist, and I of course, was a therapist before illness took over, so once in a while, we kinda like to throw their stuff back at em and keep them on their toes. We do entertain them, if nothing else and every therapist throughout the years, has said how much they enjoy working with us, so no real harm done.

      Thank you. It’s humbling whenever anyone names me for an award. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  4. I should have been a therapist. I have all the qualifications, the lack of caring, the ability to hide the signs of boredom while mental calculating my hourly rate broken down into per minute segments and further divided by the number of words per minute spewing from the client’s mouth. I’m also very good at saying, “Hmm . . . how does that make you feel?”

    Liked by 1 person

  5. You’re very welcome for the gift, Dearest Lily, it was justly earned. But now let’s talk about me, because you knew we were going to go there as soon as you saw my name on the comment. For the life of me, I don’t understand why I STILL do not get notifications when you make a post. This is an outrage approaching apocalyptic levels, akin to Donald Trump actually managing to be considered a worthy human being by millions of Republicans with Kool-Aid dribbling down their chins. (Sorry for the American references, I’m just in a tizzy over it all. Me thinks I may be requiring a fainting couch in the near future, a la Jane Austen.)

    So, once again, I am days late in reviewing one of your posts, and this rips at my soul. (Yes, I’m in an overly-dramatic period in my life, as my meds are out of whack due to poor planning on my part.) Still, I’ve finally arrived, dusty and travel-worn, and I hope that you can forgive me. This post was lovely and heart-warming, as usual. I feel refreshed and refueled, albeit a bit unclean, which I consider a good thing.

    Finally, I am officially stealing your line “Meh, still crazy” and submitting it to my estate planners as either the title of my next book or an epitaph candidate for my gravestone,

    Love,
    Brian “I don’t wear knickers either” Lageose, Esquire

    Liked by 1 person

    • Brian, we will indeed talk about you, right after we talk about me. I think WordPress are deliberately trying to subdue the greatness that is ‘Incoherent Ramblings’, less the masses become so awed with the awesome of my awesomeness, that it might garner myself the ability to take over the world and subjugate all humans. Or, and this is just a guess and I may be well off the mark, WordPress is CRAP! No matter. As long as you aren’t deliberately avoiding me in much the same way that the men chained up in my cellar avoid my gaze. I myself have been remiss in commenting on a lot of blogs because of flu, but have since recovered. LET THE STALKING BEGIN!
      Love from Lily ‘I always knew that Brian was a hoe’Moose.

      Liked by 1 person

      • Yes, I firmly believe that WordPress executives are behind this whole mess in some way, especially those upper-management types who really don’t have an actual job but have convinced themselves that they actually invented HP Sauce. Nevertheless, we shall prevail, even if it means that we have to resort to clandestine, late-night activities to overthrow the powers that be. (Picture it: You and I running through a squelchy bog on the outskirts of a medieval castle, javelins in hand because we weren’t smart enough to select a more appropriate weapon. Christi Hartwell was supposed to be with us, but we lost her when she spotted a quaint little shop selling antique cookbooks.) At the pivotal moment in the final scene, we will either triumph completely or be whisked away to a long, disparaging sentence in Bedlam Asylum. Are you with me?

        Brian “Proud to be a Hoe” Moose

        Liked by 2 people

        • Dammit! Now WordPress are playing hide and seek with my comments. Will this madness never cease!? I am definitely with you. Let us away to a place where truth and justice prevails and where blogs are no longer thrown into the dismal abyss of cyberspace…ooh, that was quite poetic…With Javelins in hand…er..wait…do I have to carry a javelin, I mean they don’t exactly say ‘Warrior Blogger’ do they…ooh wait…can I carry a broadsword…on second thoughts, too heavy, I can’t even carry the weight that’s built up around my arse since Christmas. How about a dagger…jewel encrusted…no, I’ve got it, a pistol…no, how about a rapier…hold on, I’m not sure what a rapier is, just let me go and Google it…*5 mins later…okay, not a rapier, one fall and it’s goodbye pierced uterus…I know, how about a…erm…I appear to have gone off topic somewhat…

          Like

  6. Like Brian, I am not receiving notices of your posts either. Were it not for the fact you *liked* my post today, and thereby made me think, “Gosh, I wonder what Lily and Spawn are up to?” I might have missed this as well. I’m thinking I must have hit the wrong ‘follow’ button, and so your posts are only showing in my reader, which I’ve been ignoring ever since I made the mistake of following a guy who reblogs other people’s posts every 12 minutes or so. I’d unfollow him, but he follows my blog and I’m apparently a whore, wondering if he’ll one day reblog me.
    All this is to say, I’m going to try and click the correct follow button this time, just so you know.
    Also, love the way you slapped the award on your post and ignored all the other rules associated with it. That’s class, that’s what that is.

    Liked by 2 people

    • C.J. I’m trying to think that WordPress are treating some blogs like a box of assorted chocolate by keeping the best one from themselves. I must be the one with the strawberry fondant filling, the choc that is coveted by all who lift the lid to my box of delights…er…okay…that last bit sounded more “eww” than was intended…
      I’m sure it’s not your fault (that’s what I used to tell the ex) but the fault of WordPress themselves, as other bloggers are also complaining about posts not turning up in their Readers.

      About the reblogger, it’s not that I crave attention for my blog, but I would have tracked him down and threatened to shank him if he didn’t reblog my posts…I’ve never been one for subtlety…

      Hahahaha! Were there rules for the award? My bad… 🙂

      Liked by 2 people

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