According to research, a shorter blog title gathers more response than one that is far too lo…oh arse…

Now as we all know, children are scum our future.
As the great George Benson once conceded, we need to teach them well and let them lead the way, show them all the beauty they possess inside. Although as we are all aware, what they possess inside, is an evil spirit and the ability to make Satan look like a school girl.

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So in order to teach them our soul thieving succubus future  ways in which to become fine upstanding citizens, we need to expand their minds…not too much though, we don’t want them to have free will.
So what better way to achieve that, then the perusal of words. In fact, books of all kinds are the way in which to unlock the potential of these bright young things and the first in our little collection, is a colouring book that will surely fire up the imagination.

paint with water

Paint With Water is a brilliant concept for the child with a creative mind. It has also inspired me to use the same method in order to create some very moving pieces of art.
Here’s a few of the artwork that I myself have created through the genius of this book.
This glorious piece, is my interpretation of Edvard Munch’s ‘The Scream’.

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This  one  is of the Eiffel Tower.

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And here’s a life-like self portrait of myself that’s worthy of Leonardo da Vinci’s Mona Lisa.

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Finally, here’s a signed copy.

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Simply stunning, I think you’ll all agree. Please be aware that these pictures are copyrighted and therefore you must ask permission if you would like to use any of them.

Coming up, we have a wonderfully poignant book that deals with the issue of losing a loved one. Written by the mild mannered and evangelical Quentin Tarantino, this is a tearjerker of a tale.

bambi

This next book poses the delicate and most important question asked by all self entitled whiny bastards teens everywhere.

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The answer is, that God LIED.

Now as a writer…ahem…grammar is indispensable as a learning tool.

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Eye myself, am yoosless wifowt my gramma boock. Dat reminds mi, eye knead too oarda a nu kopi.

In times gone past, I’ve stated many times that children are the gifts that just keeps on giving, like chlamydia or thrush. They elicit many emotions ranging from the good to the bad…but mainly the bad and this why it is vital that every child needs to read…

mommy drinks...

Ah relationships. What would we be without them? Happier, wealthier and mentally better off. But for those who like to submit themselves to the drudgery of marital slavery, it is fundamental we teach our kids about the importance of their role as a lover. This books teaches girls the correct way in which to entice a life partner.

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And this bestseller, teaches our boys how best to treat the females in their lives.

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And finally, an hilariously heart warming tale about the adventures of Little Duck.

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Cute little fella isn’t he? I wonder what he is thinking about? Let’s go and ask him shall we?

little duck

JCUaaSi (2)

JCUaaSi

JCUaaSi (1)

Er…I think maybe we’ll leave it there for this week. Join me next week, where we will be taking a peek at material as read by adults.

Playboy_5b6ab8_5650969

No, not that kind of reading material…pervs.

~Lily

 

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36 thoughts on “According to research, a shorter blog title gathers more response than one that is far too lo…oh arse…

      • I discovered that there is alot of retrying in research so I grew tired of it and retired to quality, mainly. But part of me remained curious later on and I did invent a few things, getting 7 U.S. patents, the most important ones economically were antimony compounds used in catalytic cracking of petroleum products. My main invention took about 1 1/2 days initially with a good deal of work and rework. But that was awhile ago and now I am a commercial artist and designer, but more importantly a friend and taker carer of my dog Cooper. I wish the word retired didn’t have tire in it.

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          • Yes, I do that from time to time. Today is a much simpler day for me. Cooking a bunch of burgers and baking a German Chocolate Cake, almost cooled off enough for icing. I am making it for my friends who work at the diner.

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              • I half been told that a few times, but I am not completely sure. I am off to the diner again for supper now. It has a nice small town sense of community, and the building has a wonderful dilapidated exterior and interior, with a wide variety of silly plaques with bizarre sayings, and cigarette smoke lingering here and here and there and sometimes there. Oh, I just found out a minute ago that my sister became a grandmother again for the eighth time!

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    • Thanking you most kindly BunKaryudo.
      It’s funny because the most esteemed art critics of my imagination, are also of the same opinion. It seems that I am held up as a beacon for modern art, in the critically acclaimed world of my mind. I do hope I don’t let myself down.

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    • Mr H, it took me years to spell library properly. Then when I realised it had the word ‘bra’ in it, I was able to write it correctly. The thing is, I now go around pronouncing it as Lie-bra-ry.

      I’m going to break into my local lie-bra-ry and burn it to the ground too. Just as a protest that there aren’t enough of them around anymore…

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  1. Ah, my dear, but your artistic skills are amazing. Almost as good as your writing skills, but both are overshadowed by your unequaled ability to make us laugh. Your posts always strike just the right note. (Hey! I guess that means you have musical skills, as well! You rock, girl.)

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    • Thank you Susan. I admit that I have received much praise from myself, as well as from the voices in my head.
      And I am extremely musical, if I do say so myself, for I can pass gas to the Justin Bieber’s ‘Baby.’ Though obviously not HIS baby, as he’s a mere zygote himself…oh lord, I need to stop typing…

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  2. Hi Lily, you need to come to my local lie-bra-ry. As well as Bambi, they have Finding Nemo, a heart rending tale of how a little baby fish loses his mother and every one of his 50,000 siblings, and also Toy Story, featuring ritual decapitation of helpless human-like figures. Oh and let’s not forget Jungle Book, on TV last night. Tying fire to a tiger’s tail would have the RSPCA down on you like a ton of bricks.

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    • Heehee, I see what you did there with ‘Library’ Kimberley.
      I am beginning to think that the people at Disney/Pixar, not only have mother issues, but also slight psychotic tendencies. The deaths that occur in those movies, make Mr Tarrantino films look like remakes of the Heidi films in comparison..

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  3. Well there is me using my trusty ball point pen to create my humble little pictures Miss Lily and what do you do make them obsolete overnight with your water pictures. I must admit your self portrait did remind me a little of the Kings clothes. A nice concept in art but not one that is popular in the North of England right now. I do like the little duck he seems a friendly critter.

    And I do worry a little about that book collection of yours it is a bit progressive for me, I am more a Treasure Island sort of chap . . . . well I read the first and the last page and then watched Robert Newton . . . . HAR HAR HAR

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    • By the King’s clothes Me Z, I know you mean full of splendour and grandeur. Anyway, I shall have to pop down to the North of England which I believe is somewhere near Spain…geography was never my strong point, and show them the wonders of painting with water. And if they think that’s amazing, they should see what I can create with air!

      Right, I’m off to clean up them thar jumble. Har Har!

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    • Thank you very much Mr D. I knew that you would appreciate the eyeful that is the Eiffel, though I think that you’ll find, it’s pronounced
      Eee-fell, as it is spelt. I know that for a fact, for eye am a werdsmith.
      Ooh, while you’re at SpecSavers, can you make me an appointment? I seemed to have lost sight of my latest piece, ‘The Girl With The Gold Hooped Earring.’

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  4. Lily, your paintings are stunning, unlike anything I’ve unseen before! Your masterful use of water-washed nothingness has created conceptual art surely ahead of its time…sheer brilliance!!

    All those book titles and your write-ups are hysterical!! I can just imagine Quentin Tarantino’s Bambi being chased by Murder Duck LOL! Thanks for the laughs. 🙂

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    • Ah Madilyn, I see that you are a true connoisseur of fine art. Once you have unseen one of my works, you’ll never see the likes of it again. Why just yesterday, an art critic told me that they were some of the best pieces that he had never seen.

      Tarantino could do one of those mash up films like Predator Vs Aliens with Duck and Bambi. It could be called Dambi. Or Bamduck…okay, maybe not that last one.

      You are most welcomed fair lady. 🙂

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  5. “Why can’t I get my locker open?” This personal failure has plagued me for decades. I tried to seek counseling, but the therapist couldn’t get his appointment book open, and I was once again left bereft and emotionally unsatisfied. Just like that time I tried out for the Cheerleader Squad but the authorities killed my dreams because I had a penis. Wait, I seem to have forgotten where I was going with this. Am I in the right drive-thru for Hunan takeout? Damn these meds…

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    • That’s because God is sitting up there doing his best Paula Abdul impression and asking himself, what have you done for him lately? By following the word of the almighty and no, I don’t mean Morgan Freeman…this time, all that is locked, will become open to you. Doors, opportunities, hope, appointment books, those Sardine tins with the little key, tinned spam, the steam rooms at the local gym, which would be nice as I wouldn’t have to keep drilling holes into the walls, and most importantly, the wrapped goods in the supermarkets that you can only open with a flame thrower.
      Now, can I take your order please?

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      • Yes, I’m ready with my order. Could you please arrange for me to go back to that time and place when I was completely innocent and the only thing I cared about was getting to the library on Friday so I could check out enough books to get me through the weekend? Granted, this would require time travel over at least four decades, but I’m missing that land where “responsibility” and “worry” did not live. Oh, and I’d like a double order of fries, because I’ll need all those carbs to power through the books that helped my young-self keep dreaming. Extra ketchup packets, please…

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