This is what happens when you’re left alone with ‘Paint’ and far too much time on your hands.

The Disappearance Of Lily. #1k

Folks, as I type this, there is a war raging. A war of such epic proportions that it is quite epic in it’s proportions…which is quite epic. You see, all four of my autoimmune diseases have decided to kick in at the same time and it’s made for one hell of a battleground.
The main culprit in all of this, is the immune system itself.

This, is my immune system.

immune3

Say hello immune system.

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As you can see, my immune system is not a very pleasant chap.

Now you see these cute little fellas?

cells1

These are healthy cells. Immune System doesn’t like healthy cells and seeks to attack them at every given opportunity.

immune5

Very unsavoury I think you’ll all agree, and I’m not talking about the peanuts. So what exactly is going on inside my body?

 

cellsimmune

That’s right. A whole lot of dirty looks and blame. But being the bully that he is, Immune System does not work alone. Oh no, he brings his other friends to wreck havoc upon my frail and fragile form…What? I am frail and fragile and not as Spawn surmises, built like a female trucker whose gene has been spliced with that of a sumo wrestler…on steroids. Look at the carnage now taking place within my inner workings.

imcel

And that’s not all folks. We have a whole host of other occurrences happening. So let us meet the rest of this motley crew. First up we have the gut wrenching Mr Nausea.

nausea

Now don’t tell anyone this, but I think that Mr Nausea has a crush on my toilet, because so far, it has introduced me to Ms Toilet four times…hold on…wait just one second…

5 mins later…

It has introduced me to Ms Toilet five times today alone. I must admit though, that toilet doesn’t seem so enamoured with Mr Nausea…or the contents of my bottom half, which is a pity really, because the contents of my bottom half sure as hell loves Ms Toilet.

This rather aggressive fella, is WORLD OF PAIN.

world of pain3

Alrighty then, moving on. Can you guess who this is?

colon3

Now it seems that Colon has acquired a new friend called Viral Gastroenteritis. V. G as he likes to be called, is slowly draining away my life’s energy, along with all of my bodily fluids.  At this precise moment in time, it is impinging itself within my innards whilst simultaneously feasting away at my intestines.

bug

And that’s just the start of what’s been ailing  me, therefore keeping me away from my professional job as an International Internet Stalker. On the plus side, I did win first place in the comedy section of the Frandore Prize, which was hosted by author J.P.Rambling. The fact that there was only one other entrant in that category, is neither here nor there. Jeez, allow me my one moment of victory people! Anyway, a big thank you to J.P.
Right, now I’m off to watch some porn educational documentaries. Now which one to choose? There’s ‘Oh My God, That Thing Is Huge!’ Which is about the life cycle of the tape worm and ‘Not In My Mouth Dude,’ which details one woman’s brave struggle with an eating disorder.

~Lily

*All the crappy drawings are the sole responsibility of Lily Jo and for that, I humbly apologise.

 

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31 thoughts on “This is what happens when you’re left alone with ‘Paint’ and far too much time on your hands.

  1. I was sick tOO starting Wednesday, so I stayed home instead of going out for Thanksgiving. I think I am now slightly better. The roads were icy so it was best to stay put.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Aww Mr E, I hope you didn’t miss out on the Thanksgiving festivities entirely. We did have snow over here, and by snow, I mean one snowflake. If there had been two snowflakes, then Britain would have been plunged into absolute chaos. Glad you’re feeling better, or that you think that you’re feeling better.

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    • Ms B, you pose a dilemma. If I go missing again in hopes that Mr Tatum once again leads the search party, then I will never get to sexually harass him on account of going missing in the first place. But now that I am here and no longer missing, I still won’t get to give him some good lovin for I have been found.

      That Viral Gastroenteritis (thank the good lord for spell check) has been with more people then Paris Hilton at an orgy.

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  2. Lily Moose! You’re back! I was getting worried about you. You certainly go through the wars girlie and yet despite the world falling out of your bottom you still retain your sense of humour. Bravo. Your method of dieting is far more severe than the one inflicted on me by PIL.
    As for your artwork. If Charles Saatchi only knew. You’d be hanging up in the Tate Modern as quick as a flash!
    I hope you are feeling much better. I missed you.

    Liked by 2 people

    • I am indeed Mr D and I’m feeling much better thanks. 🙂
      I think it’s important to be able to laugh at myself, because quite frankly, my family and friends are unsympathetic gits and there’s only so many hours I can spend plotting their deaths, which just becomes mentally exhausting.
      There was a day when I developed this whole body tremor in which my body shook violently. I couldn’t walk or talk and you know what my best friend did? Started singing and whooping and said it looked like I was dancing. This was before she started dancing around my quaking body. Whereas Spawn said that it was like watching someone at a silent disco. See what I have to put up with? With people like that, how can I be miserable? Actually, with people like that, they’re lucky I don’t stab them in the face.

      What has PIL got you doing this time?Time to go and catch up on some blog reading methinks.

      Thanks Mr D. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

      • I know what you mean about so called friends. Last year a mate of mine lost a leg. He woke up one morning and it was gone. We reckon it hopped it. Anyway we got him some presents to make him feel better – a toy parrot, a eye patch and a pirate captains hat complete with skull and crossbones. They bought a tear of joy to his eye.

        Liked by 1 person

        • Hahaha! It’s friends like that, that help you see the funny side of things and that in turn, makes the healing process so much easier. A good friend will offer sympathy. A best friend will rip the piss out of you.

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  3. Mrs H feels your pain. She had, what can only be described as, violent exorcist style bouts of projectile vomiting last weekend after we had ventured outside to the big bad world and had what locals describe as “a night out with friends”.
    We were down south, which is a very cold and dark place (colder and darker than it is oop north for some reason) and Mrs H partook in the local delicacy of chicken kebab.
    This lasted for around 1 hour until the kebab made a life choice and decided that it would rather like to be all over the floor/wall/ a little bit in the toilet and ME!!!

    It was a fun night.

    So you have our sympathies Lily, Get well soon and don’t even think about coming within coughing distance of me or I shall shove you away with a very long stick!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Oh poor Mrs H. I’ve been there so I do sympathise. The only consolation was that the food tasted just as good coming up, as it did going down.Well I hope that she is sufficiently recovered from eating what appears to look like a human torso spiked on a skewer, which is then carved and slapped between a pitta bread. And I think you’ll find that there was a film out a few years ago, called It’s Called Up North, which negates your ‘colder in the South’ argument.

      Did…did you just threaten me with your pointy stick?

      Thanks Mr H and I hope that Mrs H is feeling much better too. 🙂

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  4. Ah Miss Lily I thought you might be having a bad patch. Life is not always nice is it and bodies do have a habit of saying . . . . . That’s it time to party. . . . . I did have a very short spell of my tum being a bit frail but it was to do with either a rather strange Indian takeaway, I say strange because I always have the same thing and it was different. . . .or one of the pills I have to pop each morning changing manufacturer, so I have stopped taking it for now. So I am OK and bouncy again. . . OK when I say bouncy I mean metaphorically speaking.

    I am glad to see you backMiss Lily . . . is the Lil man looking forward to Christmas. I think he has reached the age where a radio controlled flame throwing dinosaur with laser vision is entirely the wrong thing. . . . Here we have reached the point where everyone has everything they need or want and we all look like startled rabbits as we ponder the pressures of modern consumer society thinking OOOoooo a build your own slug kit I wonder if granny would like it.

    Maybe the Lil man will buy you the Teach yourself Bodily Bacteria Fridge Magnet set with interactive DVD . . . . . .Hours of fun for all.. . . . .Batteries not included?

    Take care, be good and get better Soon .. . . . . . ..

    Liked by 1 person

    • If your usual tastes different, then stop eating. Of course I always ignore my own advice and consequently end up with the lining of my stomach no longer lining my stomach. But I am glad that you’re feeling much better Mr Z and that it wasn’t anything too serious.

      The Lil man is indeed looking forward to Christmas. Why he almost smiled at the mention of it, which looked a bit like a fissure to hell opening up. He would absolutely LOVE a radio controlled flame throwing dinosaur with laser vision. I however. would not. I like my house standing right where it is and not razed to the ground.
      Still trying to work out the interactive part of the Teach yourself Bodily Bacteria …the images in my head aren’t too pretty.

      Thank you Mr Z. 🙂

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    • Thank you Susan.
      Well I have to make light of a difficult situation because I don’t think that there’s enough crack in the world to ease my DIRE TORMENT AND THE WANTON RUINATION OF MY LIFE’S EXISTENCE! Apart from that, life’s pretty good. 😉

      If I could just rid of the nastiest, most irritating and debilitating bug that I have right now, things would be so much easier. But no matter how hard I try, Spawn won’t move out.

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  5. Lily, ♥ First, let me say Congrats on the Frandore Prize!! And I am so sorry about your health, that is just wrong, nice people should never be so sick!!! So hard when it’s your immune system, plus having viral gastroenteritis too just sucks!! Sending positive healing thoughts your way. Hope you’ll be feeling better very soon!!!! Hope Spawn is bringing you tea in bed. 🙂

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    • Thank you dear Madilyn, for both the congrats and the well wishes. 🙂

      I’m convinced that in a past life, I was a kicker of old people and punched baby kittens in the face, and my ill health is divine retribution for that. I mean those old people probably deserved a good kicking and kittens are so annoying with all that cuteness and purring and stuff.

      Spawn has been bringing me cups of tea and even making dinner. Though I hardly call a tin of beans, still in the tin, dinner.

      Liked by 1 person

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