This Night We Call All Hallow’s Eve


This month we celebrate the past,
Where people get right up my arse,
By banging doors and ringing bells,
Which makes me scream, “Oh bloody hell!”


The night we call ‘All Hallows Eve,’
It makes me mad, it makes me seethe,
Cos right now I’m sat in the dark,
As the spawns of night knock loudly,


They knock first one, then two, then 3,
I’m stuck here dying for a pee,
They pound some more upon my door,
I cannot take this any more.


The knockings getting on my nerves,
And I could be some sort of perv,
That lures these spawns into my house,
But I’m not, so that last line is a little bit redundant really.


It’s getting louder, hear it now?
The loudness beats upon my brow,
The sweat goes trickling down my back,
If they don’t stop I might just crack.


“I can’t stand this let me be,
My knickers are now soaked with pee,
In trying to evade all of you,
I had no time to use the loo”.


I run down stairs, I’m steaming mad,
“I already ate all the candy that I had,
If you don’t back away from my door,
I’m gonna show you all what for”.


They stare at me with looks of fright,
Like they’d seen a most unholy sight,
I hear the sounds of groans and cries,
“Oh mummy please, it hurts my eyes”.


“Get away from here”. I start to yell,
“You lot can all just go to hell”,
They take off running down the street,
The pavement pounds beneath their feet.


And as I go to close the door,
My eyes gaze down towards the floor,
I’d forgot to put on a bra you see,
And my boobs were hanging down my knees.


I’ve heard the children from that night
Had such a grim and fearful fright,
They were as scared as scared can be,
Now they’ve all entered therapy,


Now no one knocks upon my door,
And no one bothers me no more,
I’m now known as that “mad old bat,
The fat one with the…”




14 thoughts on “This Night We Call All Hallow’s Eve

  1. Well written Miss Lily that is very good Halloween Poetry indeed, a little more edgy than my own, but then you do live life in the Great Metropolis where edgy is more a way of life. I mean here in the country those little scallywags that do venture out tend to take their mums with them and seem to think that a decomposing sheep’s head on a stick and a few entrails wrapped round their heads is scary. And waving an old cows skeleton at you with a few eyeballs from some beast their dad shot for Halloween parts has been done to death as the old (and in this case rather appropriate) saying goes. Mind you the cows tongue with eyes drawn on it is a bit yuck like a giant slug with attitude.

    Oooo one question why didn’t you lock yourself in the loo, it would have made life easier but ruined your poem.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Decomposing sheep’s head on a stick and a few entrails wrapped round their heads, is what we folks call round here Candy Floss.We’re that hardcore. As for the rest of it, life in the country isn’t quite as genteel as I thought…or maybe that’s just you Mr Z.


  2. For poetry, I usually only go for the limerick, partially because the good ones are dirty and partially because it’s in my blood. But this one I like. Happy Halloween, my dear.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. A dark and twisted Halloween poem, awesome, Lily, well done!!! Oh “such a grim and fearful fright” with your boobs down to your knees and no candy ha ha!! Love all the images too. Happy Halloween! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    • Seriously Madilyn, the droppage of my boobs (shut up goggle spell check, ‘droppage is so a word…that I just made up) is a horror in itself. Well it has Spawn screaming in fright whenever he sees me coming out the bathroom.

      Thank you and HAPPY HALLOWEEN to you to. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Droopy boobs, a fat arse, big bones(!), wet knickers. What else could any sane man wish for? Then to top it all, a brilliant poet!

    You’re right though. Halloween is an absolute pain in the arse. That’s why we got Dexter. Anyone knocking at our door gets the shock of their lives when he leaps up at the door.

    I will now go and clean myself up after snorting dinner out of my nose. Three times!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Mr D, if those are the wishes of any sane man, then he clearly isn’t sane.

      I do love Halloween, I just hate having to spend money in order to give away the goodies that I bought to complete strangers that aren’t part of a charity organization…plus I’m a greedy biatch.

      Thanking you kindly good sir. We really should look into purchasing you a bib. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

      • A bib would be good. I’m sorry for coming along late but work has been a bloody nightmare recently. I grow sick of watching people and watching cars and watching for things that don’t fit and for drinking both bottles of chardonnay earlier. Your posts make my day girl and I thank you from the heart of my bottom (or something like that). Have a bloody great day

        Liked by 1 person

        • Both Chardonnay?! Why that’s a hanging offence around these parts.
          Ah, the life of a working man. Don’t worry, you still have retirement to look forward to…or death.

          Thanks Mr D. I’ve been a bit slack myself lately. Well that’s what you get from pushing out a head the size of a bowling bowl…

          Liked by 1 person

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