People Come From Miles Around, To Take A Look At My Box.

WARNING – Like a ‘Carry On Film,’ this post may contain bawdiness and lewdness, and when I say ‘may,’ I mean it will.

I’m bored. The sex slaves in the dungeon are exhausted and if I have to hear one more “please, just let me go. I promise I won’t tell anyone,” I may well snap. So what better way to unwind, than to listen to some sweet melodious harmonies. Yes, that’s right; it’s that time once again. A time to whip out my box, spread it wide open and let you all have a damned good gander at what I have on offer. You guys should realise just how lucky you all are, because people come from miles around to feast their eyes upon my sacred box. Some even dip into my box from time to time, which can get a tad annoying. I keep telling them to use their whole hands and not just their fingers when handling my box, but it seems that the days when people knew how to properly handle vinyl, are long gone.

So first out of my box of musical delights, is an aspiring piece by Dave Stephens.

dave s

Now I don’t know about you, but I have always held a fascination for organs of every size and colour and this album brings back such fond memories from back in my teenage years. At the time, my best friend’s dad had a huge organ and he would often let us play around with it in the comfort of their living room. Often then not though, I would love when he played with it himself. Oh the noises that he could emit from that pleasurable organ, always caused a tingle down my spine. I remember vividly how he would try to teach me the best way in which to handle his organ, but I could never stretch my fingers wide enough to reach along the full length…Oh apologies, I lost internet connection for a minute before I could complete that sentence which was; I could never stretch my fingers wide enough to reach along the full length of the keyboards.

Ah, here we have the delightful and dulcet tones of the Cooper family, with ‘I’m God’s Child.’

cooper family

They may all well be the ‘Child of God’, but mother definitely looks more like the Mistress of Satan.

Next up, we have the Wankas.

wankas

The Wankas were very popular in their heydays and were widely recognised wherever they went. They would often draw cries of, “oh look, there goes those bunch of Wankas” and after a thrilling performance, “Oh what a bunch of Wankas they are.”

Now, I am quite partial to a ‘call and response’ song. You know the ones, where an artist will sing one line of a song and the audience will sing another in response. Here we have three ‘call and response’ albums. The first from this wonderful quartet, where the members argues about which one of them gets to do the naughty deed.

touch him

In his response album, Andy Carroll tries to confirm their intent with the teasingly and widely acclaimed…

touch me

Unfortunately, it seems that ‘The touch’ went slightly awry as we discover in Mrs B’s follow up album/police statement.

touched

And finally, we have Svetlana Gruebbersolvik, cousin to the great female composer Onya Baccubitch, with the classic ‘My Lips Are For Blowing.’

worst-album-covers-all-time--large-msg-133718862534

Oh, this takes me back to the days where I could often be found in the music room with an instrument between my gums. I was quite a dab hand at the recorder in my day and my music teacher Peter File, would keep me blowing for hours. Often he would grow frustrated as my blowing technique was all over the place. “Blow harder,” he would shout, or “blow more gentle and don’t use your teeth, as they tightened around the recorder.” My main problem was that my grip wasn’t firm enough in order to hold tight and keep up the rhythm and after the relentless hours of practicing, my jaw would ache as a result.

Anyway, enough about my history with blowing wood…Oh sorry, internet connection got lost again; let me begin that sentence once more. Anyway, enough about my history with blowing woodwind instruments. This concludes this month’s peek into my music collection, so join me next time, where will be delving further into my musical archive.

~Lily

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42 thoughts on “People Come From Miles Around, To Take A Look At My Box.

  1. Wind instruments – all about the embouchure – I learnt recorder first then oboe as a youngster. Oboe is double reeded so you need to ensure both lips cover teeth top and bottom before placing the instrument in your mouth – the pressure then of both lips on the reed controls the timbre of the instrument with the power and volume coming from diaphragm control. But Lily I know you’ll have forgotten more than I ever learnt about embouchures, lip and diaphragm control…

    Liked by 1 person

    • Embouchure sounds like the Madam of a Paris brothel. Madam Em Bouchure. She’d certainly know all about lip placement and the use of facial muscles.
      I had forgotten all about diaphragm control. There’s nothing worse than coughing and splattering everywhere, because you’ve been blowing too hard to remember to breathe. Oh well, I can always ask Spawn’s music teacher to give me pointers as to where to place my lips correctly.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. You, Miss Lily, are responsible for me sitting in the office and dribbling tuna fish all over my keyboard because my smile was so wide. I must remember to exercise those facial muscles a little more, make sure I can keep everything in my mouth …

    Liked by 2 people

    • Hahaha! Apologies to you and the tuna Kimberley. I think you might have to practice your embouchure, to get those facial muscles nice and tight…okay, that came across a little pervy, even to me.

      Liked by 1 person

    • Sorry Mr Z, but I thought, well stats are down and no matter how funny I am, or whatever I write, no one is going to come flocking to this here blog. Plus, I was in a particularly mischievous mood the night I wrote that post and thought, damn, that means I can write ANYTHING, so why not?

      Like

  3. Love it! You’ve got a real flair for writing double entendres. I especially like the three albums about touching, but there’s a lot to be said for learning how to blow properly, too. Ever hear of the book, “How to Tickle His Pickle”?

    Liked by 1 person

    • LOL! Oh my Lord Susan! I was expecting an innocent book with a slightly dodgy title and that it would actually be about pickles! Does Smarticus know you read these kind of tomes?! If so, then a HIGH-FIVE to you both.

      Ah, the double entendres, it’s like a disease I tell ya. Everyday, someone is either putting the phone down on me, walking away, or in Spawn’s case, telling me that I have something seriously wrong with me, so I’m glad you appreciate my warped ‘Carry On-esque musings. Thank you.:)

      Liked by 1 person

  4. I have been sat here trying to think of a witty thing to say, but this post is so damned hilarious I am bereft of anything other than pure admiration and joy at having read it.

    I’ve just read it again….brilliant.

    you filthy animal. hahahahaha

    Liked by 2 people

    • You speechless?! That is one of the highest praise ever Mr H. The day that I can leave you bereft of anything to say, is a very good day indeed…or sign of the up-coming Zombie Apocalypse. Thanks Mr H!

      Oi, and less of the animal. I’m may be filthy, but I am NOT an ani…oh no wait…yes I am. Sorry, accept my apologies.

      Like

  5. I was reading your post while Lizzie watched Peppa Pig. “No one knows what’s in my box!” says Peppa Pig… I LOL’ed IRL.

    “I don’t have a special box,” said Daddy Pig. I had to leave the room at that point.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Oooooo. You are naughty but I loved it. Jaws ache, sides split and in stitches even now. Brilliant, funny writing.
    You have an interesting taste in music that’s for sure. The Wankas! O bless you for that.
    That Peter File certainly gets around. He was a P.E. teacher at my school. I believe he’s a priest now.
    My music teacher, a fine woman named Betty Swollocks, taught me the correct fingering technique and the method used to lick lips to moisten the whole area before commencing to play.
    Sod the stats. Keep it up girl!

    Liked by 2 people

    • Hahaha! Mr D, you naughty man. Go to your room!!
      Betty Swollocks? Wasn’t she engaged to Barry McDikkin? She sounds like a wise teacher. There’s nothing worse than a dry area when it comes time to play.

      Oh, you knew Peter File too? He was a great teacher, always playing with the boys at lunchtime. He did love ball games that man.

      I do have quite an eclectic taste in music Mr D, but those Wankas were a particularly good find. And you’re right, sod the stats…though that’s what led to this post in the first place. Thanks you, you lovely man. 🙂

      Like

    • Heehee, there’s you with your soup and poor Kimberley with her tuna. Apologies. Looks like I’ll have to offer a ‘FREE DRY CLEANING SERVICE WITH EVERY POST,’ disclaimer.

      Thanks Mimi. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  7. The first out loud laugh was when I misread sacred box as scared box, I now have a mental image I don’t need but can’t get rid of and I blame you even though it wasn’t really your fault.

    I about died when I got to Onya Baccubitch. My dear Lily, you were in perfect form.

    You’re still not showing up in my feed though. It made me late to your box party and I’m a bit annoyed by that.

    Liked by 2 people

    • Thank you very much Mr P for such a lovely compliment. Now I’m not quite sure if your image of a scared box, matches my image. But whether it does or not, I’m not liking it.

      Haha! I’m glad you got the Onya Baccubitch joke. I think you’re the only one so far. I also think that Mr D is the only one who caught on to ‘Peter File’. And everybody completely missed out on ‘Pharaoh Shiek Yiboudi’,’ from a few posts back.

      Damn WordPress. A couple of other people have said the same thing and vice versa. I’m not sure what’s going on. I’ll try to ensure that you’re here on schedule, for the next time I get my box out for people to feast their eyes upon..

      Liked by 2 people

      • Oh we get them sweetheart. Onya Baccubitch, Sheik Yiboudi et al. It’s just that your posts are filled with such delights that any comments would go on and on and on and on and on and on….if we mentioned them all. So I think we pick the one or two that tickle our fancy the most and I gotta say that my fancy is tickled every time I read one of your posts girl. I’ve just read it again and I’m still falling about. That may be due to an inner ear infection that I’m suffering from though. Have a great day despite the rain.

        Liked by 1 person

        • Aww, thank you Mr D! You’ve just made the guilt that I feel for eating a whole bar of Galaxy, melt away…just like the big bar of Galaxy that I just consumed…I mean the BIG bar, not the middle-sized one that could count as big, but the BIG big one.

          Sometimes it’s hard to tell what works and what doesn’t on this blog and sometimes, I feel like I’m being too vague or too confusing that people don’t get certain things, especially since humour is so subjective. However, your comment has been more than helpful and I really appreciate that.

          Inner ear infection? That makes both of us. It’s doing my bloody head in…as well as my ears.
          Hope yours gets much better soon. You have a good day Mr D. 🙂

          Like

  8. OMG, Lily, I could not even get past “time to whip out my box, spread it wide open” before I was laughing out loud! The album titles, that huge organ you played around as a teen, too funny. Nice play on words linking the “touching” albums. LMAO at Onya Baccubitch and her cousin “my lips are for blowing” Svetlana (someone in Marketing dropped the ball(s) on that album cover!)! and your history with blowing wood! Well, no wonder people come from miles around to peek at your box. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    • Madilyn, the funny thing was I hadn’t even started writing it when Spawn walks into my room, takes one look at the title and shaking his head with his usual disdainful expression, walks back out again.

      I did laugh when I wrote Onya Baccubitch. It’s the silly things in life, like a rude name, that keeps me happy.

      LOL! Ssh, don’t tell everyone about my history of blowing wood and people peeking at my box. My sister sometimes reads this blog. Although I’m pretty sure that she knows by now.

      Liked by 1 person

    • Haha! No, I was having a conversation with one of those Artificial Intelligence bots and trying to copy and paste the conversation before it vanished from the screen. When I finished, I clicked the publish button instead of draft…twice! These eyes are not what they used to be.

      Like

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