The Evolution Of Spam Mail
In the beginning, there was God. Now there is only so much solitaire an omnipotent guy can playeth and so God in his infinite boredom, decided to indulge in a spoteth of arts and craft and thus created the planets. After fashioning the world out of stringeth, a squeezy washing up bottle and some sticky backeth plastic, God then pronounced (though who he was talking to I don’t knoweth) that he wouldst generate a lighting system. This he called ‘day’ and ‘night’ and all twas good.
Once the almighty had finish’d with the rewiring, the Supreme Being whipp’d out the crayola which he had invent’d the night ‘ere and colour’d one half of the world blue and the oth’r half green and brown. He wouldst hast colour’d the whole thing black but as is always the way, the black felt-tip pen ranneth out whilst he was colouring the whole of timeth and space.This prov’d to be quite a messy venture and so the Good Lord became verily vexed when his hands became unclean with the efforts of his artistic endevours and thus he created the seas to washeth away the filth and to cleanse the newly formed world, along with his painteth brushes and palettes.
By this timeth, the Exultant One had becometh quite peckish and with nothing but a packet of Hob-Nobs left on the surface of that which he had named ‘The Moon’, God created the creatures of the seas so that he may hast a Fillet-O-Fish for his midday feast and abundantly brought forth the creatures of the skies that moveth, so that he may hast pigeon pie for when the omnipresent hunger pangs struck.
He then brought forth the animals of the landeth; the cattle and the herd. Soon, the ‘Mcburg’r’, the ‘Chops’ and the ‘Nuggets’ roam’d freely upon the newly formed grass until the divine leader in his wisdom, decided that a nameth changeth was in ordereth. After bringing forth some other stuffeth liketh creepy crawlies just so that he couldst scareth the buggery out of me centuries later, God then thought to himself, “leteth us maketh the man in our image”, to which the man said “what’s a man?”
The man, now named Adam, was given dominion o’er all the creatures of the landeth and seas. but because man hath always been a distemperate bastard and God grew tired of yelling at Adam to “stopeth playing with it or it will fall off”, God also created Eve. Now this all took placeth in six days and so on the seventh day, God rest’d. But of course there is nay rest for the righteous, so on the eighth day, God created the Internet and on the ninth day, God got spamm’d.