Lookee what I found in my spam folder today. Yes that’s right, spam. (well it was hardly gonna be Channing Tatum now, was it?)
Subject: Sweet greetings from Alena
I am from Russia. I am 30 years. I wish to explain where I have taken your e-mail address. (Dubai? France? Ooh I know, Penge!) My girlfriend (Ah, so you’re gay) has got acquainted with the man (Eh? So you’re not gay) by means of one site. That the man has told, that there is a man which wants too will get acquainted with the Russian woman and has given my girlfriend (Okay, now I’m bloody confused! And why did the man that told the man that there is a man that the man…never mind) your e-mail address. But that the man which has given your e-mail address asked that I never spoke his name (FOR HIS NAME IS SATAN!!!) and where hi lives. (Who the sodding hell is hi??)Therefore I shall not tell to you a name of that of the man. I at all do not know there was it the truth or not, there can be you do not know that the man. But now we write each other and this main thing. (So you’re corresponding with a man with no name, no address and who you don’t know is true or not?) I always wanted will get acquainted with foreign the man because I was disappointment Russian men. Hope we can construct serious attitudes.(“Bitch please! Yo mama so fat, the sun orbits around her arse.” Was that attitude serious enough for you?) I search for love. (I search for a regular dealer who doesn’t charge £50 for an eighth. What a bloody rip off)
I work nurse in city hospital. (And doctor in the local car-park) I love sports, at leisure I play in volleyball. (That must be a bit of a tight squeeze) I like to walk with girlfriends. I love animals. I had a cat, but in one day it has left on street and has not returned. (Hmm, tell me again how much you love animals) In life I very sociable, cheerful. (But in death I very whiny bitch) I have a lot of friends and familiar (BURN THE WITCH!) with which I like to communicate and spend with them time. I like a lot of time to spend on lake in the summer, (Wait…I thought you said you liked to spend them time with them family) to bathe, sunbathe and simply to have a rest. The favourite season is spring. At this time it becomes warm, it is possible to take off superfluous clothes. (Why on earth would you put on clothes that are superfluous, only to take them off again for being superfluous in the first place?) It is pleasant to look, how leaflets are dismissed. (It’s an outrage the way that leaflets are dismissed. The Oppression of leaflets everywhere, will no longer be tolerated! I think I read that in a leaflet recently, but then I threw it away) In general I romantic. I like to dream about fine. (soft bodies undulating under a pleasure of silk…no? Just me then) It is pleasant to walk in the warm evening on quay, to look at small river, than people are occupied, to inhale fresh air. (Too occupied to inhale fresh air? What are you people, zombies?) When in the street bad weather, I can look something interesting film. Favorite agenre – comedy as horror films like. (Nope…I got nothing…) But I prefer to listen to music. My motto ” with music on a life “. (your motto should be ” me on a course to learn grammar”) In week-end I with girlfriends go to a disco where we speak about problems. (Did you ever stop to think that the reason you can’t find love, is because you’re always hanging out with your sodding girlfriends?) I wanted to get acquainted here, but on disco only young men, and I want to get acquainted with more skilled man in internet. (As opposed to getting acquainted with more skilled man in real life)
I hope my letter does not remain without attention (Have no fear of that sweet Alena) and you can answer me.
If I have interested you, write me on mine e-mail: firstname.lastname@example.org