Nude nuns and dead things and hookers and kittens, these are a few of my favourite things.

After clearing out the sex slave underground dungeon cellar, I came across a few exhausted bodies treasures that I used to peruse or watch whilst the whip-lash marks faded and everyone got their breaths back I had some spare time. So here for your pleasure, I have decided to share some of those precious items with you. 

Nude nuns and dead things and hookers and kittens, these are a few of my favourite things.

Ahh, this book is among one of my most treasured tomes. During those long cold winter nights, I could often be found playing with and stroking my pussy, whilst reading the delightful text adorning these pages. The table of contents include: ‘How to play with your pussy’, ‘Naming your pussy’, ‘How to eat with your pussy’, ‘Nursing a sick pussy’, ‘Why everyone should have a pussy’ and Disciplining your pussy’ among others. (These are real folks) Oh Fluffy Winklebottom, how I miss you.

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Now this is one of those rare but true classics, which deals with the now common issue of gang violence. This book will surely go down in history, as one of the greatest contemporary novels in modern literature.

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The life of a father, is foretold by a young man in this beautiful and romantic saga, about first time parenting. Read about the trials and tribulations faced, as Christian realizes that becoming a father is not only soul destroying but quite literally hell.

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I’ve spent many a moment crying over the pages of this best seller and wishing vehemently, for the death of all those around me. This book not only helped me deal with the trauma of my childhood but also proved to be prophetic in it’s title. 

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This opus tells the compelling yet poignant and provocative story, of a woman plagued by memories of…shit! Who am I kidding? It’s a woman with a haunted vagina for god’s sake! 

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This heartwarming and moving tale, follows a group of lesbian horses as they detail their experiences with coming out of the stable and their struggles to be accepted by all the other farmyard animals.

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 After shifting through my novels, I then moved on to my old movie collection. These priceless celluloids are without doubt, great works of recognised and well established values. I’m sure that most, if not all of you, have heard of these gems.

 First up, this insightful docu-drama, traces the difficult plight of monastic contemplative nuns. A community of women, living under strict vows of poverty, chastity and obedience. Follow their story as our modern day sisters, seek new and innovative ways of enticing more people back into the house of our Saviour. 

nude nuns

In order for future generations to grow up wise and with good judgement, It is with prudence that we should offer them counsel in such philosophical matters as, ‘if you work hard, you will be rewarded all the days of your life,’ ‘It’s the early bird catches the worm’, ‘it’s not the winning that is important but the taking part’ and ‘don’t stick your finger in a moving fan blade. It hurts’. This stylish Children’s Educational video is a comprehensive guide for parents and contains important and relevant words of wisdom such as: 

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This epic film, crosses the boundaries between avant-garde and sheer mysticism. If you like your movies profound and full of meaning, then ‘Cannibal Women Of The Avocado Jungle Of Death’, is just the movie for you. 

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What The Fuck…?

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This film charts the growing rise of the number of women now purchasing vacuum cleaners as the  must have household item. Be captivated as women up and down the country, suck, blow and swallow those pesky dust mites, for there is nothing compared to the love between a woman and her Dyson. 

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This documentary serializes man’s love for all things airborne. Whether it’s the Boeing 747 or a hot air balloon, this film takes us on a journey with all things aeronautic, including a new threat that has taken to the skies. It seems that it’s not just low flying birds that we need to look out for. 

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As we all know, the recession has taken it’s toll on many and has permeated into all walks of society. This unfortunately, includes the availability of our proffessional and hard working street walkers. So for all those men partial to a bit of in-car relief, why not save money which could be best spent elsewhere, like feeding your family and make your own high class hooker with this, ‘How to’ film. 

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The mysteries of womankind have long evaded man for many centuries. This film discovers the myth behind the stereotypes that women are gossipers, bad drivers, gold-diggers, love shopping and that often common misplaced conception that: 

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So there you have it. ♪Nude nuns and dead things and hookers and kittens.

Bimbos, Rugsuckers and Cannibal women.

Black Devil Dolls from hell, Girls that explode.

These are a few of my favourite things.♫

~Lily

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29 thoughts on “Nude nuns and dead things and hookers and kittens, these are a few of my favourite things.

  1. Oh my. You someHOW forced me to sing the title of your blog post, sham on you. (That was sham, not shame)

    Hope you are having a wonderful Friday. I hope it’s Friday already where U R.

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  2. Well that is something of a mixed bag of films Miss Lily. I think there are one or two I might avoid what with me and my middle class upbringing. Actually I say that but as I get older (Ooooo I am getting old and knackered) I have come to realise that a large number of the prim and proper of the suburban (OK I live in the sticks) middle classes may pretend to be a bit like me and avoid anything that is not rated family entertainment. But behind those suburban curtains there is stuff happening that might make even some of these interesting films look tame. I always thought this is why the Mom army gave you a hard time, one is allowed to do unspeakable things with the tortoise but not turn such things into a witty blog tale.

    OOOOOO those killer bunnies . . . we use to have two of those years ago, what was worse is they were expert escapologists and spent many a happy hour frightening the neighbours who would then phone up and complain about the beasts.

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    • Ooh, I’ve heard tales of these suburbanites and their key swapping ways…Though isn’t that a sign of a good neigbourhood, where everyone is so friendly that they swap keys to each other’s homes?

      I do not like rabbits at all Mr Z. They’re like fluffy balls of devilry, who look cute but eat your soul when you sleep at night.

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  3. What can I say? You certainly have eclectic taste! Thanks for the chuckles.

    Know what? The gal on the far right of that picture on “Cannibal Women” looks like Adrienne Barbeau! Gooly. I guess she had to get a start somewhere, eh?

    Oh, and I’m a firm believer in killer rabbits. We had one.

    Happy weekend!

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    • Susan, I watch only highbrow, good quality films and read only the most literary of literary literature…ahem…
      But you’re right, that IS Adrienne Barbeau! She was also in that great cinematic classic ‘Swamp thing’ and the highly seminal, ‘The Fog.’

      Ooh rabbits are a thing of evil with their red eyes, (the white ones anyway) obsession with carrots and their thumpity thumpity footed ways. That they are also murderous beasts, does not surprise me in the least.

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  4. Love those insane book titles!! Must confess I had something entirely different in mind (ha!) before I scrolled down to see the book cover… cats, well of course LOL! Zombie raccoons and killer Peter Cottontails (the stuff of nightmares!), a demonic romantic comedy (yikes!), not getting better when you grow up (yep, prophetic for me too!), haunted vagina (a cautionary tale I’m sure!) and lesbian horses coming out (yay for those mares!).

    OK, gotta comment on the movies too b/c this is just too much fun. Nude nuns, no-ooo!! Last thing I’d want to see after all the time I spent with nuns, my eyes would burn. Sisters do Not take off your habits, ever!! About children playing with dead things, wouldn’t that be a good way to keep them occupied? LOL! Cannibal women had me laughing out loud at the title and wonder what they do with those avocadoes, ha, ha!! WTF on that devil doll from hell, looks more comical than scary. OMG, oversexed rugsuckers from Mars, I’ll never look at my Dyson the same way again! Killer bimbos assault LMAO…look up to the sky, it’s a bird, it’s a plane, it’s super killer boobs!! Frankenhookers ought to be paired with one of those books above…Frankenhookers with Haunted Vaginas! And nice girls can explode if you don’t bring ‘em chocolate. Lily, this post was so entertaining, loved it!! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    • LOL! Love your comment! Can you believe Madilyn, that they (whoever ‘they’ are) thought it okay to publish a book about ways to handle your pussy?! The funniest part about those books and films, is that they all exist!! I actually watched those movies and they are as bad as they sound, but in an enjoyable way…apart from Nude Nuns…DO NOT watch that movie, unless you enjoy years of extensive therapy!

      Liked by 1 person

  5. Dearest Lily,
    “I Knocked Up Satan’s Daughter” reminds me of that true life biography, “I Married Satan’s Sister.” Thousands of men have claimed to be the author of that tome, but it was just the same old song, different verse. Nice collection. You should open a library.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Well it doesn’t surprise me. I slept with Satan himself and have the Spawn to prove it. But my little spawn was worth those two minutes of pleasure…the 2 minutes includes a break in between.

      Liked by 1 person

  6. Lily, if you open a library, I’m your first customer. Maybe we could do swapsies – I’ll trade you your ‘Zombie Racoons and Killer Bunnies’ for my ‘Cleaning Your Waste Disposal – A Guide for The Psychopathically Challenged’.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Hahahaha! Kimberley, please tell me that is not a real book! I won’t believe it until I see photographic evidence.
      I’d love to open a library. The problem is, I love books so much, that I wouldn’t allow anyone to take them out. I’d have rottweilers at the door and surveillance cameras and motion detectors fitted just in case someone has the audacity to want to ‘borrow’ one of my preciousess.

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  7. um… having just spent a fortune on tending to a sick pussy recently, I knew I should have taken photos and made a ‘how to heal the puss’ book. That ‘ho stole my idea!(okay I have been watching a marathon of RuPaul Drag Shows lately and I think it may have altered my personality somewhat). I would be able to make a small dent in recovering the costs of playing nursemaid to my pussies (plural – yes I am greedy and I have two).

    As for the haunted vagina, I think I may have one of those as well.. well it is dusty!

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  8. Lily! I have to admonish you. What were these doing in your cellar? They should have been proudly displayed prominently in you bookcase, especially on bible study night. And I do so want to see attack of the Killer Bimbos! Also, I’m going to dash over to Amazon as soon as I leave this comment box and buy each of my grandkids a copy of It’s Not Going to Get Any Better When You Grow Up. I think you must belong to the Professional Woman’s book club. (I accidentally spammed that comment you left on my blog. (I hate the new comment replying interface!)

    Liked by 1 person

    • WordPress in their wisdom, have decided not to consult any of it’s users on the new interface. I’ve read scores of complaints and their only answer is, “give it a couple of more weeks.” Well I’ve given it a couple more weeks and yep, it’s still shit. I either spam comments, or send half a comment.

      LOL! If you purchase ‘It’s not going to get any better’ for the grand kids, then you’d better also buy a comprehensive guide to long term therapy, cos they’re gonna need it after reading that book. And if I ever hold a bible study night, then that would mean that the Apocalypse is nigh.

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  9. Oh Lil, Lil,Lil, how did I ever miss any of these? I never saw any of those gems in Barnes & Noble, no doubt sold out before I got there—best sellers to be sure! And your collection of B movies is the best. If only you owned a drive-in! :@)

    Liked by 1 person

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