Grab The Pitchforks And Torches! It’s Ophelia. Part 2
In the intervening days since Spawn discovered a book containing illustrations depicting the human anatomy, as well as an explanation on reproduction, he has been in a mild state of shock…well I say mild, more catatonic then anything else. Also he keeps giving me these weird looks that say “I know what you’ve been up to and what you did in order for me to exist.” It really is quite disconcerting. So when his friend stopped by to pay him a visit, I thought that it would do him the world of good. Unfortunately, that friend turned out to be the dreaded vampire brat, Ophelia.
“Oh, hello Ophelia, how are you? You know what? And I’m sure that you’ll find this funny but I just had that weird feeling that one gets, you know, like somebody suddenly walking over their grave. And then ta-da, you show up”.
“I am most apologetic for this unexpected, nay undesired social call Spawn’s mother. But having not seen him at the fetid grounds where the bulls charged among the denizens like rampant were-beasts, whilst haranguing and torturing those of my species, in which I mean females, I thought that I would pay him a visit to see if he was suffering from sort sort of malaise”.
“It was just a stretch too far for you to say ‘boys’ wasn’t it? Anyway, come inside before the neighbours catch sight of you. I’m far too tired to be dealing with an angry mob brandishing pitchforks and torches. Oh I’ve just realised, it’s noon, don’t your kind usually stay out of the sunlight in case you burn and turn to ashes?”
“I have not an inkling as to what you are referring too Spawn’s mother. (Ponders for a moment) Oh I see! Was that a composition of formulated words, whereby one takes a flaw from another individual’s character and then makes a flippant statement pertaining to the imperfection that mars that particular person, before then turning it into some form of jest?”
“I’m not sure Spawn’s mother, if I found the jest to be an amusing one. I can only ascertain that assassinating the distinctive personality of a person’s disposition, merely brings about feelings of inadequacy and anxiety, not to mention that it is a practice well known for it’s humiliating results. As such, I am most assured in my assumption that this will probably cause the receiver of the jape to become negatively affected via agitation and maybe even vexation. It is a good thing that I do not take heart at such cruel witticism, having been born with a strong constitution”.
“Oh I only drink orange juice where the fruits themselves, have been plucked by the hands of the vestal virgins of the Cayman Isles and the pulp pounded by the size 3 feet of the small children from the Sierra Maestra range. So if you have any of that, then I’ll gladly accept your offer of a beverage”.
(shouts upstairs like a common fishwife…as opposed to an uncommon fishwife) “SPAAAAWN! YOU HAVE A VISITOR! Now if you’ll excuse me Ophelia, I’m off to get rid of the migraine that’s brewing, by repeatedly bludgeoning myself with next door’s cat”.