Spawn.

As we continue to trawl through the archives of a time gone by, I thought that I would reintroduce Spawn to those new to ‘Incoherent Ramblings” Now there has been much research into the findings of whether one can be born evil or if it is a product of external factors. However, Spawn is categorical proof, that one can be born with evil in their hearts.

 Spawn Fact File

Name: Spawn

Age: 13

DOB: 6.6. 2001

Time of birth: 6hrs 6mins 6secs

Occupation: Being evil.

Aim: World domination, Matricide and being able to sleep without a night-light on.

Abilities: Able to blow a hole through time and space with his gaseous buttocks.

Intelligence: Too smart for his own damned good.

Weakness: Places built on desecrated grounds such as churches, graveyards, Simon Cowell’s mansion.

Most nefarious deed: Being born.

Spawn’s Arrival

lunapic_136476163556987_6

It was all to do with the manipulation of the cosmos, a maneuvering that would soon see me fully brought in to being.

For the first part of my plan, It was imperative that I find two willing victims for my machinations, or else my disposition would most certainly fall awry at the first hurdle.

From out in the ether, I espied two individuals who were later to become my care-givers. A man with all the intellect of a Jackal and a woman whose hips could birth a nation.

lunapic_136570794253736_9

Choosing these witless fools was the easy part in my design to be brought forth into the world but getting them together to commit the vile act of coitus, was proving to be an all together more complex issue. No matter, alcohol, low self-esteem and a sense of desperation would soon close matters between the two.

Alas once their union was sealed, it took a further four years of inept fumbling, for my conception to arise. Again no matter, I vowed solemnly that I would be sure to wreak havoc upon the mummy creature’s womb on the way out, as a mark of my utter disdain.

lunapic_136476163556987_26

Once my imminent birth arrived, I had to put the second part of my plan into action, that of separation. I needed the mummy creature to be on her own so that I could easily manipulate her without interference from the ape-like daddy creature. I needed to hoodwink that vile woman, into believing me saintly enough to carry out my objective, which was to topple the government thus enabling me rule the world. Maybe jarring loose her cerebral cortex, by bashing in the back of her skull with a Tonka truck, thus giving her concussion at the tender age of 18 months, wasn’t such a good idea in masking my evil intent. But dammit, everywhere I turned that damnable harlot was there to thwart my every move. That confounded woman was proving to be something of a worthy opponent and so in time, came to be my arch nemesis.

lunapic_136570794253736_13

I admit that in studying the wonder of flora, I made a grave mistake in not realizing just how long it would take for the human form to mature and gain independence. Using my knowledge of the life cycle of multicellular eukaryotes of the kingdom Plantae, or ‘plants’ as they are known to lesser intelligent of the human population, I am now guessing was not such a smart move.

And so due to my fatal error, I find myself trapped and reliant on this cursed mummy creature for some years yet. But Mark my words, once I have left school. finished college, gone on to university and moved out, then and only then, will I complete my plan for WORLD DOMINATION!!

~Lily

Advertisements

25 thoughts on “Spawn.

  1. Do you ever worry about Rubik’s Cube coming to life and following you around aLL day like a pet dog? Saying things like, “Play me! Twist me! Where is my food?!?!? Where is my water bowl?” Then you have to remind RsC that it doesn’t eat or drink and you quit playing it a long long time ago, and then it is quiet for 15 minutes to 2 hours then it starts complaining aLL over again. I don’t happen to worry about this at aLL either. Just checking.

    Liked by 1 person

    • LMAO! Those pesky Rubik’s Cube. They’re a real puzzle sometimes. All I know is not to feed it after 12, let it near water, or let it wear my new suede boots again. They’re ruined! I did scold it and the poor thing turned red with shame…then yellow…then blue…

      Like

  2. Hey, look on the bright side. Your Spawn might actually be a savior of the world. I mean, he couldn’t possible do any worse ruling the planet than the dweebs who are in charge of it now are doing. At least HE is intelligent. (And if he’s in charge, he could probably get you all the free chocolate you want…)

    Like

    • Susan, there will be no salvation for me. I’ve already been told that I’d probably be the first one to go. He wants to create a utopian existence and apparently he can’t achieve that if I’m always telling him to pick his underwear from off the floor.

      Like

  3. I suspect that the Spawn. . . . Lil man. . . . . .Master Meglos. . . . . will one day realize ruling the world is quite frankly just a lot of work and no one is going to appreciate it the slightest. And I remember warning of the use of cats with Laser beam eyes once before. Cats are hell bent on world domination themselves, so fitting laser eyes is a bad move. Cats never do what you want them too and the Lil man would go mad trying to keep them in control and not cutting their way into the fridge to steal food and cream.

    Being bashed in the back of the skull with a Tonka truck it not so good. They always say those things are indestructible (thats Tonka trucks not skulls) but you dont see many of them about these days (that’s skulls not Tonka trucks . . . . . . . . . . . . . NO Hang on that’s the other way round).

    Like

    • He just won’t be told Mr Z.. What with Uni and a part time job, I don’t know how he’s going to fit in world domination when he’s older.

      He’s decided that he now wants to utilize the power of the Racoon. He’s become quite obsessed with them and wants one for his birthday. I however, do not fancy getting my face chewed off in the middle of the night…or any other time for that matter.

      The Tonka truck episode was not a very nice experience I can tell you. The thing is, he still has that same truck, minus my cranial matter decorating it’s exterior.

      Like

  4. Fascinating to learn how Spawn was spawned, Lily! That’s sure a lot of 6s at his arrival. Ouch about getting bashed in the back of your skull with a Tonka truck (btw did that happen on the 6th of a month??)! World domination is not entirely a bad goal…well, just sayin’ could be worse and at least he’s goal-oriented! Love the way you created those different images of Spawn (oh that blue flashing one is the best, kinda glow in the dark!). Happy June 6th Birthday to Spawn (who I know despite it all is really the apple of his mama’s eye)! 🙂

    Like

    • That Tonka truck was my first ever experience with concussion, (yes, there were many more) and cemented the one fact that I had long suspected. That my child was indeed evil. We have spoken extensively about world domination as a future career prospect, but I have voiced my concerns that he needs another option to fall back on if it doesn’t work out. Something where he can utilize his evil, sadistic and nefarious ways…so he’s training to be a dentist.

      Thank you. The images were created on Lunapic. I absolutely love that site. Oh and Spawn’s birthday is actually on the 15th. He was supposed to be born one day after my birthday on the 3rd, but decided to cling firmly onto my womb for another 11 days. Even now, he’s still always late for everything!

      Apple of my eye? Only if it’s the poison apple from Snow White.

      Liked by 2 people

Leave a Reply I won't bite...okay, maybe a little nibble...

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s