Cannibalistic Sheep And Mutilated Athletes. Part One.

Dedicated to a woman I love more than cake. That’s a whole lotta love people.This is for you Ms Donna Maysack.

Cannibalistic Sheep And Mutilated Athletes. Part One.

Insomnia is nature’s way of telling you, “hey, let’s stay up all night and think of every stupid thing that you’ve done in your life.” Last night I sought in vain to find some peace of mind but ended up lying in bed for the best part of three hours with nothing but the most insignificant of thoughts running through my head.

sleep3

By midnight, all intelligent thoughts and rational thinking had long since left the building and I spent what seemed like eons processing the most trivial of facts. I mean did you know that on average, we swallow 15 spiders a year when we sleep? Or that more people use blue toothbrushes instead of red? Or that a female ferret will die if she goes into heat and cannot find a mate? (Damn, I know how the bitch feels) Now never let it be said that Incoherent Ramblings isn’t educationalBy one o’clock, I  thought to utilize my time in a more constructive way, namely by compiling a complete list of my favourite top five things. One such list included:

Top 5 sexy male cartoon characters I would totally do the nasty with-

D&D 1.The blond one out of Dungeons and Dragons – Marks out of 1? I’d give him one.

skeletor2. Skeletor -Have you seen the six pack on that guy? A paper bag over his skull like features and I would definitely do the horizontal boogie with him.

he-man3. He-Man – Because HE HAS THE POWER!!

shaggy4. Shaggy -There’s something about Fred that I just don’t trust. He may have the persona of the ‘boy next door’ but you can bet your life that somewhere walled up within the cavities of his basement, there is the body of a dead male prostitute, murdered after an evening of heavy drinking and copious  amounts of narcotics abuse…just saying…

caveman5. Captain Caveman…Don’t you judge me!

Two o’clock and I was still nowhere nearer to the ‘Land of Nod.’ I decided that maybe a little light refreshment was in order to help me drift safely off into slumber…One packet of  salted Pretzels, followed by half a bag of peanut M&Ms, two French Fancies, a packet of Jelly Babies, a can of Pepsi (diet of course, I’m not a pig) and a bag of cheese flavoured nachos later and I was still no closer to reaching the destination of ‘Nod’.

After much tossing and turning and cursing the name of the bed manufacturers who appeared to have lined my mattress with rocks instead of coiled springs, I decided to opt for the old fashion method of counting sheep. All was going well until after the first hundred leaps and than the sheep begun to lose interest and refused to jump any further. It appeared that they preferred instead, to stop and graze on some grass that my overactive imagination, for aesthetic reasons, had chosen to conjure up. I removed the grass and placed it on the other side of the hurdle, thinking that this would encourage the flock to continue.

It didn’t.
Over here you lazy bastards!

Over here you lazy bastards!

After about 30 minutes, the sheep became hungry but still they refused to jump. After an hour, they started to grow restless. After an hour and a half, they begun to turn feral. Overcome with extreme hunger and feeling utterly famished, they soon turned to cannibalism, gnawing nauseatingly away at each others sheep parts until there was nothing left but a sea of red, as entrails and intestines were strewn across my imagined field

Things weren’t looking too good.

~Lily

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12 thoughts on “Cannibalistic Sheep And Mutilated Athletes. Part One.

  1. Lily, I can empathize, I’ve had insomnia my whole life since childhood. I believe there were entire years I barely slept at all (sure felt like it)! Yikes about swallowing 15 spiders a year on average when we sleep!! OMG, now I won’t sleep! Well, at least I have a heads up now. And who knew about toothbrush colors or those poor female ferrets! Definitely an educational blog! 🙂

    LOL about the sexy cartoon characters!! Captain Caveman is actually rather cute and has a certain twinkle in his eyes. I haven’t thought a lot about cartoon characters but there are plenty of fantasy characters I find sexy and would easily come to mind if I were compiling a list, like Captain Jon Luc Picard of the Starship Enterprise. Beam me up and make it so!

    Counting sheep has never worked for me, mine usually just wander off and get lost much like me! Your sheep were certainly uncooperative and then…cannibalistic, yikes! You know what they say, one will do something and the rest will follow along, like sheep!! Well, hope you get to have a better night’s rest.

    Like

    • Madilyn, then you know the misery that insomnia can bring. After two days of non sleep, I’m still good. Three days onward and the madness begins. I quite like the period between being sane but slowly sliding towards hysteria.

      Thank you about Captain Caveman! I do like a cheeky chappie. And who doesn’t want to be dragged by the hair into a cave, only to have a thick club pointed at them?

      As for fantasy characters, mine are all a bit weird, though I can see the appeal of Captain Jon Luc Picard. That voice alone is enough to make a woman’s panties fall down around her ankles.

      I’m beginning to wander if counting sheep works for anyone. It doesn’t seems so. So where on earth did the concept come from???

      Liked by 1 person

  2. I am afraid that now I will be up all night wondering what it says about me that I have been known to have a green toothbrush.

    Freddy’s ascot isn’t fooling anyone about his lack of fashion sense, or any other sense for that matter. I think he might’ve just been the only one with a valid driver’s license.

    Like

    • Having a green toothbrush means that you’re a rebel who refuses to join in with with the norms of society. It says that you will not be part of the crowd and that you are an individual who will rise up against the injustice of the weak… or it could simply mean that you just picked up a green toothbrush whislt out shopping.

      Fred Fred Fred. Why on earth are you hanging out with guys who are at least 10 years older than you? So many issues, so little time to dissect them all.

      Like

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