*Following the A-Z Challenge and before I resume the usual business of my life on ‘Incoherent Ramblings’, I have been asked by a couple of readers to post the origins of Commander OO-E-wallawallabingbang and subsequently, Lily’s alien abduction. It is not a pretty tale, but you asked for. Also, towards the middle of the story, the spacing of pictures and texts gets a bit off and I can’t do anything to rectify the issue, so apologies.*
It was on a moonlit lit night much like tonight, that this tongue twister of a story began.
The sky, a canopy of darkness, hung obsidian, as though someone had stowed a covering of blanket over it’s dark entirety… though not one of those tartan blankets that you keep perched on the back of your sofa, or in the boot of your car for those sitting on wet grass moments. It was more like those nice fleece throw-overs, you know, the ones that you get from IKEA. Anyway, it was black.
Low in spirit and even lower in want of a proper analogy, I decided to wander out onto the fields to clear my head and collect my thoughts…which now that I come to think of it, makes absolutely no bloody sense. As I trudge dejectedly upon my path pondering the conundrum of why I was trying to clear my head only to simultaneously fill it up by collecting thoughts, I did spy a light. Faintly at first, it seemed to pulse in the dimness of the partial absence of the moon’s glow, (which is just a cocky way to say darkness) before then taking on a more solid form.
Bathed within the beam’s light, which now hovered above my quaking body, I became all too aware of a shift in my anatomy as I felt myself becoming weightless, which was no small feat considering that 10 minutes before, I had consumed my whole entire body weight in fast food and chocolate eclairs. Long story short, I was beamed upon an alien spaceship and held captive for what felt like eons. Here is my sorry tale.
Lying upon what appeared to be an operating table, I opened my eyes only for my confused gaze to be met by a sea of shadowy forms. Looking around, I could see clearly that each one was a different hue of grey, in fact there were Fifty Shades Of Grey…what?? So there I lay, scared as hell until…
“The DNA. I’m sorry, allow me introduce myself and to offer you an explanation. I am High Commander OO-E-wallawallabingbang and I am from the planet ‘STEVE’. We are here simply to extract some DNA samples from you as an analysis of body identification, after which we will then purify it away from the proteins and other cellular contaminants. So if you don’t mind, first we will need to gather some cells from your internal cavity…”
“Ooh, okay then. Alright my lovely, would you like a nice cup of tea hmmmm? We’ve got some nice Darjeeling? How about some Green Tea hmmmm? It’s contains antioxidants don’t you know, which are supposed to be good for you. Ooh, I know, how about a lovely raspberry…”
Next time, I will tell you all about my sexual escapades with a transgender Yeti named Bob, whom I met whilst on my way to the dentist.