A-Z Challenge: Z is for Zoinks! We’re finally at Z!

Follow the trials and tribulations of Lily, a beautiful young woman and the love of her life, Guido an Italian circus midget. Every word of this tale is true, apart from those which are not, which amounts to around 99.99.5% of the story, so er…none of it then…

jessica“Urm, I’m pretty sure that no one wants to really hear the details of how we both met, Chief OO-E Wallawallabingbang. Heehee, (laughs nervously) I mean it’s just such a boring tale”.

grey2“We met when the crew and I, selected this female for research purposes.”

jessica“You mean when you abducted me.”

grey2“We’re aliens my dear. It’s in our job description. Anyway, once we had captured our test subject, it was obvious that we were in for a difficult time. To say that she was not the most cooperative of captives, would be an understatement.”

midget“And who can blame her! I’ve heard what your kind do in the name of scientific research. Who here would willingly want to be strapped down to allow someone to anally probe them?”

clown4“Er…”

clown2*Ahem…”

clown1“Well I don’t know…”

midget“See, no one!

grey2“Actually Little Man Tate, we no longer use anal probing as a viable method of extracting DNA. A fact that this woman (looks disgustingly at Lily) seemed to take umbrage with.”

midget“You mean she wanted you to…

grey2“In fact, she INSISTED upon it.”

clown1“Shocking!”

clown2“How disgraceful!”

clown4“Lucky bitch! Err…I meant disgusting!”

jessica“What? I wanted to have an understanding of the full alien abduction experience. How is Commander ChakakhanChakakhan by the way?”

grey2“Still traumatized.”

jessica“Oh.”

grey2“Well my dear Julia, it is time for us to depart this planet. Besides, your mother Ramalamadingdong misses you very much.”

midget“WAIT! I have to know. What is life like on your home planet?”

clown4“Seriously?”

clown1“Dude, is this chapter not long enough? Let’s end it already!”

grey2“Why mini-me, it is beautiful. The trees glisten with the magical twinkle of it’s silver leaves. The sky is hued a shade of purple that frames the planet like a beautiful landscape and the rivers run with the delicate aroma of blossoms and the taste of the green one that you get from a bag of skittles. It truly is a wondrous. Plus our women aren’t quite as skanky as your Earth bound ones”.

jessica“Huh! Looking at you, it’s no wonder.”

midget“TAKE ME WITH YOU!”

clown4“Whaaaaa?”

jessica“Guido!”

clown1“Didn’t see that coming…oh yeah, I did. So predictable.”

julia“Sqeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!”

clown2“So…they DON’T do anal probings anymore?”

grey2“No.”

clown2 “Then I’ll stay here thanks.”

jessica“But Guido, after all we’ve been through!”

midget“Lily, remember when I said that I needed something more? Well this could be it. Life among the stars. A chance to experience something new, something that no on else, except the few hundred millions of abductees each year, have ever experienced. Come with me. Let’s us make this journey together.

jessica“Guido…I…I…can’t.”

midget“But why Lily? Why not? Is our love not enough for you to take a chance?”

grey2“She can’t go because the planet has issued an embargo on her sorry arse. In fact, she has a restraining order not to go within 5 feet of any planet in the Galaxy 666 quadrant”.

jessica“My love, I would follow you anywhere…if it didn’t mean breaking the terms of my restraining order and risking a huge fine and possibly jail time. You go my Oompa Loompa of love, for I do not want to be the one that stops you from being all that you can be.”

grey2“Okay, enough of the existential horse crap! Let us be on our way.”

midget“Farewell my beautiful Lily.”

jessica“Farewell my little love nugget.”

And as Lily watched a beam of light take away the only man that she had ever loved, the rest of the crowd dispersed, leaving her once again, as she had been before Guido and life with the circus. Alone and lost. With her head bowed in sadness and the tears of grief steadily trickling down her face, it was then that she suddenly remembered…

jessica“OI, YOU BASTARDS! I’M STILL TIED TO THIS BLOODY CHAIR!!”

And thus concludes our story of a beautiful young woman and her love for Guido, the Italian circus midget.

The End.

~Lily.

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39 thoughts on “A-Z Challenge: Z is for Zoinks! We’re finally at Z!

    • Dammit woman! You’ve missed all the action!. At least when you get here, you can untie me. Seriously, this ropes are beginning to chafe. She could have used some decent hessian ones that don’t cut into the skin…or so I’ve heard…ahem…
      And stop getting distrac…did you say disco ball? Ooh…that is shiny…

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  1. Ah yes I remember the abduction it never quite turned out as you thought. Still I think you have all the makings of a good film that the very nice Steven Spielberg might fancy making . . . . . Now where did I put the potato masher, I might just make a mountain with a secret route to the top.

    Of course the circus will be a bit annoyed with Guido they need a new human cannon ball.

    Well done Moss Lily you made it to the end of the A to Z without controversy and an angry mod chasing you with pitch forks and fiery torches. . . .

    Liked by 1 person

    • I’m sure that the lovely Mr Spielberg has no intentions of being black listed by the Hollywood film industry and thus my tale of alien abduction will never be told to the masses. (masses all breathe a collective sigh of relief)

      I thought the Guido was a bit selfish in the end. The authour of this story is rubbish and should be paraded through the streets of London where the public can throw rotten fish heads at her and shut “YOU SUCK!”

      Thanks Mr Z and I didn’t get told off once! 🙂

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  2. Lily Moose. My apologies for being so late in commenting on your latest post but I have only just been released from the police station where they were going to section me under the Mental Health Act. Apparently I was found in a north london street writhing on the floor guffawing like a donkey and covered in coffee and bite sized shredded wheat. Zoinks was a finale to end all finales. It had it all even if you did forget to release yourself. Bloody brilliant girl.

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    • LOL! Oh Mr D, accept my humble apologies, this brand new pack of shirts, a life supply of coffee form Costa (that crap will make you high. I think they add real crack!) and a few boxes of straw, I mean bite sized shredded wheat. I’m always getting those two mixed up.

      Thanks so much for your supportive and funny comments throughout the challenge. They were all very much appreciated. 🙂

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      • Ah. I kind of made up the bit about being held by the old bill but rest of it was true except the bite size shredded wheat was a figment of my imagination. This is beginning to sound like someone i know! Seriously, it was tremendous fun and I thank you for making me laugh so much. (And thanks for the shirts too)

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        • Now why on earth would you make up something as gross as bite sized shredded wheat? I mean, if you had said Weetabix, then I could understand it.

          Hahahaha! I know, all this melodramatics is quite catchy isn’t it. And you’re more than welcome, for both the shirts and the laughs. Now on to business as usual.

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  3. A love story for the ages! And now Chakakhan is stuck in my head so thank you for that. Congrats on making it all the way to the end of the Challenge. I hope you’re feeling and doing well.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Elsie, I should have tagged as the ‘A love story that’s OUT OF THIS WORLD.’ Er…maybe not…

      I’m good thanks, though the Fibro and ME have both flared up at the same time, so I was amazed that I even got half way through this challenge. Hope that you are doing and feeling well also. 🙂

      Thank you and you’re welcome for the earworm that is Chakakhan. 🙂

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      • That stupid fibro – I hate it too. It always seems to flare at the worst times…then again, is there a right time? Hugs my friend and I’m proud you did it despite the pain. You’re awesome!

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        • The fibro is pretty much a part of my day to day life now and sometimes we laugh at the ridiculousness nonsense that comes out of my mouth due to fibro fog. But when it’s coupled with the ME…Those days aren’t worth getting out of bed for. Not that I can anyway.

          Thanks ole friend. I really wish that I could access your blog once again. I’m dying to know how you are in detail. *sighs*

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  4. I had forgotten the abduction story, now you’re going to need to repost it over here!

    Very well done, my dear. I loved this story the way you loved your nugget o love!

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    • Haha! It probably is and I can’t even say that it all makes sense once you read it from the beginning, because it probably doesn’t.

      Ooh, I’ve read a few of your Vampire posts. Very interesting indeed.
      Thank you also for visiting and leaving a comment. And I haven’t forgotten about the Reflection post. 🙂

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  5. Oh no, Guido, beaming up to space without you after all you’ve been through and leaving you still tied to the bloody chair!! Well, just figures (and where are those useless clowns when you need them? They could have united you before running off in their clown cars!) In his quest for adventure, the “Oompa Loompa of love” (love that!!) is leaving with the alien Chief and…the evil Julia! Gasp!! Well, OK, that “little love nugget” did ask you along but darn that intergalactic restraining order! And because of your love, you set him free. Ah, the heartbreak!!

    So you were once abducted by aliens, Lily? Oh, I must have missed that post. But all I can say is of course you were! They wanted a beautiful female earthling specimen. Btw, Chakakhan and Ramalamadingdong, priceless, I’m hearing music LOL!!

    Lily, bravo on the A-Z challenge, well done! I’ve really loved your story, very creative and a brilliant wrap-up at the end! Thoroughly enjoyed it!! 🙂

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  6. baaaahhahhahahaha….. I love that ending!!!
    Also I’m sure that Lily, or the author, was looking to get kidnapped on purpose in order to get that probing thing going on. I know, I’ve heard things 🙂

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  7. J here, stopping by from the #atozchallenge – where I am part of Arlee’s A to Z Ambassador Team.
    Welcome to “Z-day”! (Time to watch the iZombie television series?)
    Hope to see you at the after party. I’m looking forward to when the Reflections Linky List opens on Monday, May 4th.
    I’ve followed your listed social media.
    Still tied to a chair. Ha ha ha!!! Funny story. Love the use of Jessica Rabbit here.
    -J @JLenniDorner

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    • Hi J, your comment accidentally ended up in ‘spam’ for some reason.
      I will certainly be working on my reflection post, once I’ve had a good night’s sleep.
      Thank you for the comment and for following. Imma heading your way…once I’ve had a good night’s sleep. 🙂

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  8. Bravo, bravo… I am crying to the end of the challenge and it’s followed by tears of “Jo”… I got so much enjoyment from your contributions. I am looking forward to more, so while I am adjusting to my new medications that the hospital gives me… I hope to read more, for now I am getting sleepy… sleepy… sleepy…

    We made it… thank you!
    Jeremy [Retro]
    AtoZ Challenge Co-Host [2015]

    There’s no earthly way of knowing.
    Which direction we are going!

    HOLLYWOOD NUTS!
    Come Visit: You know you want to know if me or Hollywood… is Nuts?

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    • Yeah, we did make it!! Thank you Jeremy.
      Wow! This years challenge was harder than giving birth! Although I enjoyed it immensely. It did help that there were lots of wonderful blogs to read along the way, yours included of course. But like I say EVERY April, “I ain’t doing that again!”

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  9. Dearest Lily,
    Here in the deep South (and they don’t call it the deep South because of our mental capacity) we haven’t experience an abduction since they picked-up the Imperial Wizard of the Ku Klux Klan four years ago.

    Like

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