A-Z Challenge: V is for Victim And Perpetrator

Lily 23 Comments

Follow the trials and tribulations of Lily, a beautiful young woman and the love of her life, Guido an Italian circus midget. Every word of this tale is true, apart from those which are not, which amounts to around 99.99.5% of the story, so er…none of it then…

Victim (me) And Perpetrator (Julia)

jessica“Look, can’t we just talk about this?”

julia“No. The time for talking is over and I’ve wasted enough time already Time to die Lily.”

jessica“But why Julia? Why do this?”

julia“BECAUSE YOU’VE RUINED MY LIFE, THAT’S WHY! THE MOMENT YOU ARRIVED, I KNEW THAT YOU WERE GOING TO BE TROUBLE! YOU TOOK AWAY THE ONE THING THAT WAS PRECIOUS TO ME! YOU TOOK AWAY THE ONLY PERSON THAT I HAVE EVER LOVED AND BECAUSE OF THAT, YOU DESERVE TO DIE!!!!”

jessica“Wow! It’s obviously someone’s time of the month.”

julia“For years now, I have waited for Guido to notice me. YEARS! I stood on the side-lines, biding my time while watching tramps like you throw themselves at him in the hopes that they would be the one to win his affections.”

jessica“For someone who didn’t want to talk, you sure are conversating a hell of a lot.”

julia“And then it seemed like my patience had finally paid off. Eventually Guido asked me out on a date. ME! AND IT’S ‘CONVERSING’ NOT ‘CONVERSATING’ YOU OVER DRAWN FLOOZY!”

jessica“Whoa woman! You need some hormone replacement therapy or something. Maybe some anger management…”

julia“SHUT UP!”

jessica(mumbling under breath) “Seriously, your manners leave a lot to be desired.”

julia“It was blissful…at first. Life was good and I fell madly in love…”

jessica“Really? Are you still going on?”

julia“Then things started to change. Guido became distant, stopped communicating. At first I thought it was the pressure of life on the road…”

jessica“Oh God! I’m soooo bored!”

julia“But when I questioned him, he admitted that it wasn’t him, it was me…”

jessica“Do you know what? I’ve changed my mind. Kill me! Kill me now! Just be quick about it!”

julia“He said he didn’t love me. He said that he needed more from life. And then you arrived and from then on, I ceased to exist.”

jessica“To be fair, I think you ceased to exist the moment he said it’s you and not him.”

julia“But  maybe with you out of the way, we could give it another shot.Of course once you’re dead, he’ll need some time to get over you. But I will be there, comforting him and offering him a shoulder to cry on…providing that we’re both sitting down when that happens…you know, so that he can actually reach my shoulders, on account of him being a midget and all. Maybe once he’s done mourning you, he can then find it in his heart to truly love me.”

midget“I will NEVER love you Julia.”

julia“GUIDO!”

midget“LILY!”

jessica“GUIDO!”

clown1“JESUS CHRIST!”

jesus“YO!”

To be continued…

~Lily

23 thoughts on “A-Z Challenge: V is for Victim And Perpetrator”

    • Ooh, I missed this comment. Random Jesus is a joke from my old blog, whereby every time someone said “Oh God,” “Jesus Christ,” or “for Pete’s sake,” God, Jesus and Saint Peter would randomly show up.

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  2. Ah its the smiling man again, he is a bit of a devil for turning up at moments like this. . . . When I say devil I do not mean as in The Devil but a bit of one as in a slight term of endearment as in you are a one, but not as in you are The One . . . . You know what I mean. . . that is mean as in meaning not as in you can not have the last chocolate. As it happens I just ate the last chocolate. . . .

    Hey that . . . . . . . give it another shot. . . . . joke was dead clever I almost missed it

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    • Mr Z, when I understand what you’re saying, I start to get very worried. There were days when you’re comments would utterly confuse me but make me laugh at the same time. Now they just make me laugh. I find this worrying in the extreme. I may need to seek medical attention for this.

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      • I dont always understand what I say, it is not uncommon for me to return to my posts or comments and think WHAT? I think my brain is working at a different speed to my hands which seem to work independently of my brain. . . . I can think one word and find I have typed another, not sure what that’s all about

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  4. I’m sitting in my vehicle laughing like a complete idiot because of you. I hope you’re happy. Jesus at the end was perfect.

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  5. Boy, Lily, that whining Julia just goes on and on…“obviously someone’s time of the month” ha ha!! Calling you an over drawn floozy, the nerve! Love the drama of Guido’s entrance…Guido! Lily! And then Jesus Christ winking! And a clown! LOL!! It seems the beautiful victim is about to be rescued and the evil perpetrator will be done with her wickedness.

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    • Madilyn, I love the way you sum up the story-line in your comments. Makes me remember what I’ve written as I tend to block out the whole traumatic experience.
      As for the evil perpetrator, it is all drawing to a close. Will Julia finally get her comeuppance? And will Guido and Lily live happily ever after?

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    • Sometimes, I don’t even make sense to myself! It just struck me as funny at the time, but makes ABSOLUTELY no sense. Still, it made me laugh.

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