A-Z Challenge: P is for Please Don’t Kill Me!

Follow the trials and tribulations of Lily, a beautiful young woman and the love of her life, Guido an Italian circus midget. Every word of this tale is true, apart from those which are not, which amounts to around 99.99.5% of the story, so er…none of it then…

Please Don’t Kill Me!

jessica“Please don’t kill me,” I whispered, dread creeping into my throat as it constricted in fear. “I have so much to live for. What did I ever do to you? If you let me go, I won’t tell anyone about this. I promise. I’m too young to die! What about the children?! WON’T SOMEBODY PLEASE THINK ABOUT THE CHILDREN!!”

julia“Wow! You’re just in cliche heaven right now, aren’t ya?”

jessica“I’ll do anything. Please, just don’t kill me. I’m too pretty to die! Well, in a descriptive inference as to the ideal of pretty as propagated by the media, type of way.”

julia“God, I really do hate you. Just be quiet a minute and let me think.” There followed a moment of silence as Julia seemed to ponder  my desperate plea. “Hmmm”, she hummed after a while and  pausing in her evil doings. “Okay, I’ve thought about it and you can go.”

jessicaRelief flooded through me at the thought of my sudden reprieve. Well I think it was reprieve. Either that, or I’d accidentally peed myself. “Really?” I asked in shocked disbelief. “I’m really free to go?”

julia“Nah, I was just kidding. I’m still going to kill you.”

jessica“What? Hahahaha! Oh my God, you almost had me there. I seriously thought you were gonna let me go.”

julia“I know! I was trying so hard not to laugh when I said it. You should have seen your face”, screeched Julia with laughter whilst tears of mirth streamed down her face.

jessica“Oh I can’t breathe”, I gasp, trying to regain my breath from laughing so hard. “That was priceless! “I can’t believe you tricked me like that. Good one Julia.”

julia“Thanks. I can’t believe that you fell for it!” Responded Julia in between fits of giggles. “But you know what the really funny part is?” She continued, leaning forward and suddenly growing serious.

jessica“No, what’s that?”

julia“It’s that I’m gonna gut you like a fish, wear your entrails as a scarf and use your kidneys as earrings.”


To be continued…like you didn’t know that already.



26 thoughts on “A-Z Challenge: P is for Please Don’t Kill Me!

    • Julia is the type that’ll skin you alive and wear it as a coat. She may have taste, but she’s not very inventive. I would have said, ‘used your entrails as a skipping rope and your kidneys as ashtrays’. Julia, you’re rubbish!


    • Carrie Ann, the face of evil is always gross…especially if it’s an evil bearded lady with murderous intent on her mind. Eggs are pretty gross too, but they don’t have evil intentions on their minds…okay…I’m gonna stop writing now.

      Thank you for the cheering squad. It’s much much much appreciated. 🙂


  1. Phew It has been a busy couple of days one way and another but YO I’m here again. That Julia is not nice. If folk plan to do something they should make it clear and get on with it. Not mess you about like this, how is a person meant to make plans. I look forward to see what Q has to bring as long as it is not James Bond. I hope it is going to a happy ending OK you can kill off the unknown crew member from Star Trek the one who is finally getting his first visit to a planet after years of never even being allowed out of his room.


    • You’re right Mr Z. Why is it that villains always tell you their plans before they kill you? They’re just wasting their own time, as well as that of the victim. If you’re gonna do something, then do it. Time waits for no man, or bearded lady with evil on her mind.

      Haven’t decided on whether the ending will be a happy one or not.


  2. So evil toying with you like that. Not only killing you but gutting you, yikes, such a wicked woman! If you get loose, you can wrap Julia’s beard around her miserable neck and she can wear that as a scarf!! Rooting for you, Lily, you’re much too pretty to die!! 🙂


    • Evil never prospers Madilyn…apart from when it does. In which case, just ignore what I just wrote. She’ll get her comeuppance that one and it might just be at the hand of her own hirsuteness.

      Thank you, I really am too pretty to die!

      Liked by 1 person

  3. hmm… perhaps after a few days of wearing said kidneys and insides.. one would be getting a bit whiffy! Not a good thing if you are trying to seduce Guido.. unless he is into that sort of thing.. no judgement here! Just saying… Back to the drawing board Julia.. personally I like to toy with my subjects a little longer when I have them in my dungeon but that is a different story!

    Hang on there Lily, I am sending out my minions to save you!


    • She can have my kidneys, they’re no good to me anyway…oh wait…yes they are…

      Although I like to toy with my fellow dungeon subjects, all that weeping and begging for release, does tend to get on my nerves sometimes. Who knew grown men could cry so much! And the headaches from all that chain rustling!

      Thanks Miss B, better send those minions quickly. I fear my time and my ability to write anything bordering on entertaining, is fast running out.


  4. “wear entrails as a scarf “…. for this to happen your entrails should be quite wide and thick no?….
    Assuming one end of said scarf is the exact end of the gut itself, then…
    Never mind. I think I know why it would be wide and thick…



    • Having never seen entrails live and up close, I cannot attest to their diameter. However, I think that they are long enough to be able to wrap around the neck and a few times, thus making an excellent scarf. Apart from the blood of course…and the stench…and the visceral fats and other various viscous substances. Apart from that though…


    • Hi Elsie, you beauty! I’m sure the kidney earrings would look lovely, but call me a spoilsport, I’d prefer to keep them alongside the rest of my organs…along with my entrails.


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