Follow the trials and tribulations of Lily, a beautiful young woman and the love of her life, Guido an Italian circus midget. Every word of this tale is true, apart from those which are not, which amounts to around 99.99.5% of the story, so er…none of it then…
Oh, it’s you
The glare of a light stole my vision momentarily, as Julia slithered out from the stark brightness of her hiding place. Like the slithery snake that I had always found her to be, the she serpent stalked (ooh an alliteration!) towards me, slithering in a slithery fashion that was quite slithery in it’s nature. The sight of the devilish Viper turned my stomach and left me all a shiver in a shivery manner from the shivering of the shiver that surged throughout my body. This in turn caused me to quiver like a quivering…okay, so I suck at similes…and metaphors…and descriptive words…and writing in general. Trust me; it’s not something that I’m proud of.
“Oh, it’s you,” I uttered in confusion. “What the hell is all this about Julia?” I fumed, confusion now giving way to fury. At my question, Julia’s slithering finally came to a stop as she stood before me. Seriously, how long does it take for one to slither across a room? Anyone would think the skank was treading the catwalk instead of a tiny underground cellar.
“You think you’re SO clever don’t you?” Sneered the sibilant one, bending so that she could peer intently into my gaze.” “Well I am quite good at Sudoku,” I replied, not knowing when to keep my goddamned big mouth shut. “I believe that takes a certain amount of intelligence.” “SHUT UP!” Hissed the rather bad-mannered ho-bag, spittle dotting her flaxen facial hair. “Eww,” I grimaced, Still not having learned the art of keeping my trap shut. “And besides, the politically correct term that you’re looking for, is ‘can you be quiet please.'”
And just like that, Julia smiled. It was the kind of smile that villians do in movies when they face away from the camera and smirk when they think that no one is looking. That’s when I realised that things were about to go horribly wrong, well that and the fact that I had been kidnapped, bound and tied to a chair in a cellar. What? It takes me a while to cotton on to things sometimes. “Oh, I am SO going to look forward to killing you,” crooned the hirsute one. “Oh shit,” I croaked in a strangled voice, my weak pelvic floor muscles collapsing under the weight of the my impending doom.
To be continued… ~Lily