A-Z Challenge: K is for Kidnap.

Follow the trials and tribulations of Lily, a beautiful young woman and the love of her life, Guido an Italian circus midget. Every word of this tale is true, apart from those which are not, which amounts to around 99.99.5% of the story, so er…none of it then…

Kidnap

I have been kidnapped. How on earth could this be? And why would anyone want to kidnap me? The answer was quite simple. It was the fault of that dastardly letter ‘K’, for up until then, Guido and I had been basking in the afterglow of our sweet lovemaking. I was hot and sweaty with the heat of desire…or the beginnings of the menopause, whilst Guido was busy tidying away the paraphernalia of our love.

The paraphernalia of our love.

The paraphernalia of our love.

As we lay wrapped in each other’s arms, I leaned over and purred  something sexy in his ear like , “oh my little Smurf of joy, can you remove your foot? It seems to be stuck in my belly button”. After which we continued to bask in the afterglow of our lovemaking.

…A FEW HOURS LATER...

midget“Well this is nice”.

jessica“Hmmm”

midget“Except we don’t seem to be doing much. I mean we’ve been basking in the afterglow of our lovemaking for hours now.”

jessica“It’s the authour. She probably can’t think of anything for the letter K.”

midget“I think ‘authour’ is stretching it a bit, don’t you?”

jessica“Shush, I think she’s listening in”.

Jessica-Rabbit-psd77059“Hi guys.  Er…yeah I was listening in, sorry about that. Look, I’ve got some bad news okay? I admit that I’m having a hard time trying to come up with anything beginning with the letter K…I mean I have one word but you’re not going to like it…Lily”.

jessica“What? Why me?”

Jessica-Rabbit-psd77059“Well I think we need to inject a little drama into the storyline and as the writer..”

jessica“Huh!”

Jessica-Rabbit-psd77059“And as the writer, I’m making an executive decision  to mix things up a little around here. So…er…you Lily, will be kidnapped.”

what

Jessica-Rabbit-psd77059“I’m sorry! I just couldn’t think of anything else for K!!”

jessica“Well as an “authour” and yeah, I’m using air quotes. You could have been clever and cheated a bit by using words such as Kandy or Krazy Kats!”

Jessica-Rabbit-psd77059“Yeah, well it’s too late for that.”

jessica“Whaa? What do you mean too late??

henchmen“Hi, we’re here about the kidnapping.”

Jessica-Rabbit-psd77059“Ah, you must be from ‘Henchmen R us.’ She’s over there. Sorry Lily”.

jessica“WTF! Hey, let go of me!” (struggles against kidnappers) Lily! Lily! You can’t do this to me!!”

Jessica-Rabbit-psd77059“Well as the authour, I think I can”.

jessicaAnd as Lily is bundled into a van and driven away, she can still be heard in the distance screaming, “Authour is still stretching it bit!!

To be continued…

~Lily

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20 thoughts on “A-Z Challenge: K is for Kidnap.

  1. nooooo *duh duh daaaaa* staying tune for the next installment… will Lily find her way back to Guido to continue the sweet sweet love or will Lily fall prey to the evil henchmen and end up as the newest member of the Hari Krishna’s… what would she do with bed sheets and tamborines?

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  2. Well Miss Lily I realise that a good kidnapping is a great way to get the letter K out of the way but now you have to save Miss lily (the other one) from the kidnappers Lair (oooo that could be a useful L word) I would have used the easy option of . . . . A hearty breakfast of Kippers then the pair of them could have returned to making Love on the L letter day.

    Still if Miss Lily the other one is trapped in the Villains Lair during the letter L then she could be saved by a Masked Man the following day maybe a very short Masked Man in a cape arriving through the air like a superhero having been fired out of a cannon.

    Hey I’m good at this but then I have had practice writing about 26 made up Victorians who all sort of link together slowly (almost).

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    • Mr Z, like Skippy the Bush Kangaroo, I think you’re trying to tell me something, but I’m not quite getting it. What’s that skip? The letter L fell down the well and can’t get out?? Well to be quite Frank Skip, it shouldn’t have been playing near the well now should it. So er…kindly bog off.

      I might have to steal your idea Mr Z. I beginning to unravel mentally with this challenge. Too much other stuff going on…

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  3. haha, I couldnt think of anything with letter K either… actually I do but it’s usually something very, very filthy… and i made it up, so it sounds even filthiER.

    So kidnapped huh? Can’t wait to hear what they do to her. I mean, to read the rest of the story. 🙂

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  4. I really loved this one, it was a fantastically creative way to deal with no idea for K. And save any of your humbleness, you rock and I’m an excellent judge of rockness!

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  5. Porkstar is right. No one has a brain function on mondays. I’m disappointed in the little fella though. So what was he doing while you were being kidnapped.by those ruffians? Standing around scratching his testicles or what? He should fought for whatever honour you have left. At least a head butt to their knee caps. Is he some kind of shrinking violet? Cos he can do without any more shrinkage. If i were you i’d have a word with that authour bloke.

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    • I thought that as well Dick Dastardly…and then I hacked into my Spawn’s blog stats and saw that he’s page views were off the charts! I think a little sabotaging might be in order…

      As for Guido, all will be revealed…once I figure out what I’m revealing. God, it’s hard work being an authour.

      Liked by 1 person

  6. Definitely the fault of the dastardly letter “K” that you got kidnapped, Lily, and great way to add drama to the storyline! Like the way your image changes to represent you as both the character and the author, well done. And don’t think I didn’t notice the huge tub of petroleum jelly!! With all the heat you two rabbits generated it’s no wonder you got snatched, probably happened while the “little Smurf of joy” had his eyes closed while basking in the red hot embers of love. Poor Guido, he’ll think you’ve vanished (after all, it is a circus!). I am a little behind on following your challenge due to my own family drama (right now, joining a circus is looking pretty darn good to me!!), so I’m off to read L and M now. 🙂

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    • Er…the petroleum jelly was for…um…my chapped lips…yeah that’s it, chapped lips…

      So sorry that you’re going through a difficult time at the moment Madilyn. Please don’t feel like you have to read and comment on EVERY post. Damn, people have got better things to do than read a post a day for 26 days…like eat cake.

      Thinking of you. ❤

      Liked by 1 person

      • I see about the petroleum jelly…carry on then, you must have very chapped lips LOL!

        Lily, I really appreciate your kind thoughts! It’s just the usual off and on misery I’ve been dealing with for years (big sigh!). If I had been able to have a child it would not have solved anything, and that comes with its own set of trials, but it would have made some things more bearable. Reading your posts is exactly what I need, such fun and I love your writing!!! Oh, I will take the cake too, chocolate please!

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        • LOL! Yes, the winter months were extremely harsh for my lips, hence the er…sizable tub.

          Oh Madilyn, you almost made me cry with what you wrote. I’m so so sorry you’re having a rough time of it. I seriously adore you woman.

          Liked by 1 person

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