Follow the trials and tribulations of Lily, a beautiful young woman and the love of her life, Guido an Italian circus midget. Every word of this tale is true, apart from those which are not, which amounts to around 99.99.5% of the story, so er…none of it then…
How I came to run away with the circus
There was a moment of silence as we both gazed upon one another, our eyes making a veritable feast of each and every detail, whilst we gorged on the remains of our loved filled hearts…which I now realise sounds more cannibalistic than sexy. With Guido still perched in my lap, I leaned forward and whispered seductively into his ear, “can you get off my lap? I think you may have ruptured one of my Fallopian tubes when you landed”.
“Mi scusi bella, forgive me,” replied my little Oompa Loompa of love, climbing from my lap with the aide of a step ladder. “Oh amore mio”, he continued with the help of Google Translator. “Is this love that I’m feeling? Is this the love, that I’ve been searching for? Is this love, or am I dreaming? This must be love, cos it’s really got a hold of me”, he crooned, plagiarizing the popular Whitesnake song of the 1980s and thereby risking the chances of my blog being sued.
“Oh Guido,” I implored, “I am your lady and you are my man. Whenever you reach for me, I’ll do all that I can”, I warbled, reciting the one hit wonder also from the 80s, and thereby doubling my chances of legal proceedings being supplicated before me.
Grabbing hold of both my hands, Guido gently caressed my face as he passionately uttered, “now that I’ve found you my love, I cannot let you go”, which although sounding a bit stalkerish, was music to my ears…or maybe that was the beginning of tinnitus. “Run away with me. Come join the circus and be my only love.”
I stood still for a moment, completely taken aback by Guido’s request and thought about many things. How lonely my life was back home. How I really didn’t have any friends. How on earth was he caressing my face when he was holding both my hands. But in the end, I decided that there wasn’t much on TV that night and so I gave in to his offer. And thus begun my new life and the start of my illicit love affair, with Guido the Italian midget.
To be continued…no, it doesn’t get any better than this…