Our house is a happy house. It’s like sunshine and lollipops, and full to the brim with frivolity and jovial laughter. Many games are played in our quaint little house of fun, games which provide us with hours upon hours of endless entertainment.
One of the countless games that the little man and I like to pursue is the, ‘I’ll tell you one thing and you do the opposite’ game. I cannot express enough to you, dear readers, the immense joy that this particular activity brings me. The rules are quite simple and are pretty much as the title suggests. I will ask Spawn to do something and he will, in turn, completely ignore me.
“Of course dear beautiful, sweet mother of mine. I shall do immediately as you have requested”.
*10 minutes later*
“Because I want to.”
Oh how we laugh at this response, the sound filling the air as our mirth rings out throughout our happy home. At no point do I feel the urge to unfasten the belt from his costume and securely tie it around his neck until his face turns a particular deep shade of purple. EVER. The next game on our list is, ‘I’ll give you a very basic instruction and you just go right ahead and ignore me.’
“Good afternoon, my little joy of joys. Can you please grant mummy the favour of making sure that your bedroom is still as tidy as I left it this morning, you angel that just makes my heart swell with pride?
“At your request woman with whom mother nature chose to bless with all the goodness of this earth”.
*30 minutes later*
“Why my little star in the night sky, your room seems to now resemble the local farmyard in that it is filthy, diseased riddled and smells just like a dozen pig have decided to use it as their own effluent laden toiletry system. How pray tell, could this be?”
“I just couldn’t be bothered to tidy up”.
And as we roll upon the crust of his effluent laden carpet in a merry heap, at no point do I think of killing him, gathering up all the putrescence as well as his dead carcass, shoving them into a black bin liner, before taking them down to the dump to await with glee, the incineration process. NEVER. Finally but certainly by no means least, is the game that my little river that runs through my heart, loves to play the most. This one is called, ‘Ritually humiliating mummy in public.’
At the local store:
“Mummy can I have a sweet? Mummy can I have a sweet? Mummy can I have a sweet?” (Repeated at least 100 times)
“Now my little flower that blooms forth and bursts with a thousand seeds of love, each one punctuating my heart, you know that repetition doesn’t work. What about when I repeatedly ask you to pick up your things? Do you ever listen?”
“No. That’s because repetition doesn’t work”.
And as the surrounding customers laugh in my face and the shopkeeper points and shrieks, “he got you good,” I at no point feel like taking him home and bludgeoning him with a blunt implement, whilst all the while shrieking, “yeah!, Now whose got you good?!” Before burying his body under the patio. Well maybe.
Yes folks, our house is a happy house. It’s like sunshine and lollipops and is full to the brim with frivolity and jovial laughter.