“Basically Vanilla sex is just your everyday type of fornication as opposed to the more kinkier stuff. You know, like your missionary positions, your 69s, that kinda thing”.
“Oh okay, that would make more sense. I thought it was something to do with sex with ice cream”.
“Wha…? ho…? wh…? How the fecking fuck do you have sex with ice-cream?!”
“I don’t know, (sounds all indignant) that’s why I’m asking you. And by the way, you’re suppose to use the word ‘feck’ instead of an expletive, not alongside one”.
“Who the hell cares? Jeez sis, I’m pretty sure that I’ve not heard of anyone being sexed up by a tub of Ben and Jerry’s vanilla Caramel Fudge!”
“I just thought…”
You have heard of sex haven’t you? It’s where the man puts his twig like stick into the woman’s heart shaped hole”.
“I did try and read that book the ‘karma Satsuma’ once but again, it was all a bit too much.”
“The book, it’s called the ‘Kama Sutra’, not the Karma Satsuma.”
“No, a suture is when you go to hospital to get stitches”? (stops and thinks for a while) “OH MY GOD!! WHAT SEXUAL POSITION IS THAT WHERE YOU WOULD NEED TO GO TO HOSPITAL AND GET STITCHES AFTERWARDS??!!”
“This reminds me of the time I asked Spawn if he knew where babies came from and he said China.”
“Aww, that’s so cute. But everyone knows that babies come from seeds…watermelon seeds.”
“I actually felt myself dying a little inside, because suddenly, I’ve lost the will to live.”
And so the conversation went on, until we got to the part about nipple clamps and fisting. It was when I could hear the audible sound of baby sis’s body hitting the floor as she fainted in shock, that I decided to discontinue the conversation.
Later on that same day…
“Oh, how’d it go?” (Here, I give big sis a brief outline of our talk) “She has heard of sex before hasn’t she? It’s where the man puts his stick like twig…”
“Yeah, I told her all that already. What’s that screaming in the background?”
“Oh it’s just my new victim…er I meant boyfriend. Don’t worry, he should quieten down once the sedative kicks in”.
By the way, there is a fourth sister…
But we don’t talk about her much…
Next week, I recount the tales of my Dominatrix mother and the ‘Over 60s Swingers And Masochists club’.