It’s that time of the year again.

Valentine’s day.  A time for women everywhere, to express their tangled emotions and to demonstrate the real inner you.


It is also a celebration whereby the joining of two hearts, is a chance for males the world over, to finally proclaim to their sweethearts just how grateful they are, to have them in their lives.


It is a day where we put aside all animosity…

and share those sweet and cherished words, that we often find so hard to say.

On this day, precious gifts of love are offered. Gifts that need no words but say so much.

For her...

For her…

For him...

For him…

It’s  time for men to bring sexy back…


and for women to reveal their inner goddesses.

But for all you singletons who find yourselves alone this year, fear not, for there IS someone out there for you too.

All you need is positivity


a sense of style…

and to take things slow.

So roll out the welcome mat…

and be prepared to welcome that special someone into your life.

Oh…wait a minute…I’ve got to go… there’s a knock on the door. It could be the cute Brazilian guy from across the road that I’ve had my eye on.

Huh! Figures…

On a side note…

Did you know that Saint Valentine was the patron saint of plagues? Because nothing quite says ‘I love you,’ like death. So to all you readers out there, I wish you nothing but plague and pestilence and a HAPPY VALENTINE’S DAY!



20 thoughts on “It’s that time of the year again.

  1. If I didn’t already have a Valentine, I’d ask to be yours. Thanks for yet again make the people ask, “what” as I laugh like a jackass reading one of your posts.


    • Aww, thanks Frank 🙂 Nobody wants to be my Valentine and I’m not sure why. 😦 Every time I try to approach one of the guys that I have bound, tethered and gagged in my basement, they shrink back and start whimpering. I’m not sure where I’m going wrong.


  2. You can’t spell Valentines without Stale vein (I know there is an extra n in there but shut up, i’ve just got up).

    I cant get my head around this time of year. The forced effort to tell the person who spends all your money and hogs the covers in bed, that you “like” them. Those moments where you sit across from each other in the restaurant (McDonalds is a restaurant!) in aching silence because you realise you have absolutely nothing to talk about and you both know that any and all conversations will end in a raging argument before your apple pie has had time to cool down and be eaten.
    It’s just like any other day but more expensive.

    That being said me and Mrs H will be putting our feet up, watching some form of horror film, eating crisps, competing in a farting contest and congratulating ourselves that all those other idiots are doing love wrong….. she will hog all the covers in bed though….. nobody is perfect*

    *well – I am, but I don’t want others to feel bad for not coming up to my high standards.


    • Even if I woke up after 3 days of constant snoozing, would I come up with ‘stale vein.’ There is no excuse Mr H, no excuse at all.

      Nothing says Valentine quite like ignoring your partner for 364 days of the year and then telling her once a year, that you think she’s kinda okay. And I think that you and Mrs H have it right in the way you choose to celebrate such an event…apart from the farting competition. For me, it’s a no contest. Last time I took out 2 old women walking by, a dog, small woodland creatures and the house next door.

      And yes, I’m purposely choosing to ignore that last comment.


  3. it is the local village hall valentines lunch tomorrow so I have been doing stuff. Its village life you need to help or the local coven and the vicar can get scary. And by doing my bit I get extra meat and some roast veg rather than the boiled ones. I even made a load of hearts to go on the table numbers so that was well beyond the call of duty, particularly as I have been told I am the least romantic man in the world. . . . . . . I am the least romantic man in the world.

    Saint Valentine being the patron saint of plagues will be very apt tomorrow as the village descends on enough food to feed thousands and we all devour many beasts with legs (well that had legs) and local vegetables and the like followed by mountains of puddings. Its a tough life but someone has to do it.


  4. Thanks for all the laughs! It’s always so much fun to visit your blog and see your off-the-wall take on life. (Off-the-wall is GOOD… who wants to live on the WALL?)

    I hope you had a loverly Valentine’s Day. Lots of chocolate, and not a single plague.


    • Thanks Susan. I did have a lovely Valentine’s day. I got served breakfast in bed, (cold) had lunch made, (tasted like cat vomit) and was prepared a lovely dinner by Spawn. (burnt, or as he described it, ‘barbequed…’we don’t even have a barbeque) What more could any woman ask for, but a visit to the hospital with food poisoning?

      Hope you and Smarticus had a lovely day too.


  5. hahahaha and they say romance is dead!
    Hope you got properly ‘pampered’ this Valentine’s Day and by that I mean a good rogering. Or whatever his name is 😉 I never do because: KIDS (or at least that’s what we’re blaming it on for right now.) But at least now all the candy is 50% off! and CAKE!


    • Joy, there is no Roger to do any rogering on the day when rogering should take place. I have therefore, not been rogered…unfortunately…

      The kids solution is simply. Kids+attic=5 minutes of unadulterated and uninterrupted pleasure.

      Ooh, sod the 50th off Valentine’s candy and cake, I’ve already moved on to the discount Easter eggs, before they slap on the full price…heaven.


    • Yep, it leaves you feeling dizzy, gives you heart palpitations, weak knees and makes you sick at heart…but then that could also be the signs of food poisoning. Maybe we should call it ‘Happy food poisoning day!’


  6. I was busy on Valentines Day and sum how mist this. We went to the wedding of one of the daughters of my best friend. While I was away getting cake toward the end of the process my wife had fallen asleep sitting in the middle of aLL the partying. She had been busy doing aLL the floral work and some of the hair styling for the wedding party. So she just happens to wake up just as my best friend Susie is trying to take her picture. So instead, Susie sat down beside my wife and they pretended to be asleep leaning their heads together while Susie had me shoot a picture with her camera. Two veRy eXhausted women. Oh, did I teLL you my wife decided to have a floral shop TOO in the midst of eVerything else we have going on?


    • Your wife is ambitious, I like that. When you’re voted in Forbes among the 50 top self made millionaires, you’ll be thankful for all the sleepless nights and thoughts of murder. Just don’t forget us little people…because I know your secrets and I’m not afraid to use them against you…I mean, I wish you both well in your new venture.


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