All I want For Christmas…

All I Want For Christmas, Is Crack
*To the tune of Mariah Carey’s ‘All I want for Christmas, is you.’*

I don’t want a lot for Christmas
There is just one thing I need
I don’t care about the presents
Underneath the Christmas tree
I just want you for my own
More than you will ever know
Even though it’s wack
All I want for Christmas, is crack


I just want some crack this Christmas
That’s the only thing I need
I will sell all the damn presents
Underneath the Christmas tree


I’ve got ladders in my stockings
Waiting near the fireplace
If that Santa dude comes knocking
I will mace him in the face


I just need to see my pimp
That disgusting two-faced gimp
I’m all outta smack
All I want for Christmas is crack


Oh I won’t ask for much this Christmas
I won’t even wish for snow
All I want is some white powder
I can toot straight up my nose


I will send a list and send it
To the North Pole or Saint Nick
Can you send the good shit Santa?
Eighty pounds?! Boy what a dick


Can you send it by tonight?
Why must you be oh so tight?
Gonna squeeze your sack
Baby all I want for Christmas, is crack


I can’t go cold turkey, can’t find my pimp nowhere
While everybody’s happy and love just fills the air
My scabs are falling off
I’ve got a hacking cough
Santa you’re a c**k
Got no presents left to hock
And I just caught a STD of a Reindeer


Oh I don’t want a lot for Christmas
Maybe just some methadone
This is not something that I would, customarily condone
I don’t want to walk the street
Sell myself like some cheap meat
Lord I feel like cack
Baby all I want for Christmas is crack.


Happy Holidays!



4 thoughts on “All I want For Christmas…

  1. Well what can I say Miss Lily you do have a certain way with words that would scare the Pope. As a quiet middle class tea drinking (and cocoa on a good day) chap I really cant quite sing it in the way intended. . . . . I mean there is a point where I sort of say NO and I’m afraid there is no way I can do a Mariah Carey Song. What about if I try a bit of Bing Crosby.

    I do like the new friendly softly softly Miss lily’s blog . . . although I may hang onto the blindfold just in case any naughty words turn up . . . . . . I know what you are like.


    • Softly softly Mr Z? Are you sure you’re on the right blog?
      I do try to be good, honest I do. But it’s like my mum always, ‘sometimes the Devil just pricks me.’ I’m guessing she means with his pitchfork…


  2. Well Miss Lily these followers are rubbish. . . . . Well most of them are, I bet they all turn up at some point with excuses about holidays, the sales, The cat escaped and attacked the vicar, the children fell down the old mineshaft and then refused to come out until they got a new Xbox or some such thing. But I bet they are all having a party and dancing about but have not told you. I hate parties so I told them No I’m off to wave a pointy stick at an owl on the power lines and push small children down the old mineshaft.

    Oooooo . . . . tell the Lil man I thought Santa turning up in Dr Who was a Christmas story too far, they could have at least made Santa a bit weird or mad or grumpy or even a bit more enthusiastic. You would expect Santa to be a little more keen about his work as well. . .

    Have a good 2015 in the world of WordPress


    • Ooh, pushing children down a mineshaft, is like tipping cows…SO MUCH FUN!!

      On the subject of Doctor Who, It was one of the better Christmas episodes, although I rolled my eyes at certain scenes so much that they fell outta my head and ended up rolling underneath the sofa. I mean that Hi ho Silver bit with the Reindeer????
      The Lil man enjoyed it though…well he would as I kept him topped up on Babycham, so he just thought the whole thing was a drunken hallucination

      To anyone from Child Welfare reading this, that last sentence is not true…it was Brandy.

      Here’s to a wonderful New Year Mr Z..


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